Tuesday, November 25, 2008

All Hail Monica Peters!©

Oouch!Forgive me,I actually mean hi!. Now you see what terrible fellow Monica Peters really is. Did I hear someone trying to ask if it is male or female name? Well, u will av to take ur pick after now.But this one thing I know,Monica Peters come visiting only ladies! And gawd! she sucks(guess I already gave the answer away). Anyway, this particular visit of Monica Peters to my domicile at exactly 15:00 GMT on the 24th of November didnt really come as a suprise because though she gate crashes sometimes,she comes at particular days each month that you will only be wise to get ready for her except of course if you are expecting Benjamin Andrew Barbara Yvonne - otherwise known as B.A.B.Y.! So,since I knew that I wasnt expecting one(yet), so I then av to brace up for Monica Peters real quick again this month just like every other one!What a bully she is,she comes with kicks,aches, pains, shoves,slaps,cramps,and all you can ever imagine! So far it has got to do with discomfort...(sobs)As I write this,she is giving me her stuff but av been able to subdue her considerably (I believe) with some cute looking white looking stuff called,''pain killers''. So you bet she is just as gentle as can be bearable for a damsel like me to be relavant in the office at this point in time!Why do I wanna write to hail her? You may wanna ask? Well, with the diarrhoea that she constantly comes along with and the mood swing and all ( and the fact that she took away my sleep, took over my bed and made me lay on the floor of my room!),I can only attribute ...haaaaaaaa....sorry,she hooked me just again...gimme some minutes to get free from this friend enemy...Aiight ,I feel better now...Ok ,where was I? Yes, I would hail her bcos she has got some benefits that she does to my system everyday. The science guys say that this is actually what goes on and why she has to come visiting every month:
DefinitionMenstruation(or Monica Peters if you like) refers to the monthly discharge through the vagina of the blood and tissues that were laid down in the uterus in preparation for pregnancy(note that- if you wanna av Benjamin. Andrew .Barbara .Yvonne. - otherwise known as B.A.B.Y., then you will av to av Monica Peters!).
DescriptionThe cyclic production of hormones that culminates in the release of a mature egg (ovum) is called the menstrual cycle, which begins during puberty and ends at menopause.
The first menstrual cycle is called menarche.Hormones that control the menstrual cycle are produced by the hypothalamus, pituitary gland, and ovaries. The beginning of a menstrual cycle is marked by the maturation of an egg in an ovary and preparation of the uterus (womb) to establish pregnancy. Menstruation occurs when pregnancy has not been achieved.The menstrual cycle is divided into four phases and is, on average, 28 days long (21–45 days). The onset of menstruation, called a period, monthly, menses, or menstrual period, begins a new menstrual cycle and is considered day one. This first phase usually lasts five days. Menstruation occurs in response to drops in the level of the hormone progesterone. It is estimated that a woman will have 500 menstrual periods in her lifetime.Oh Lord, 500 Monica Peters!(what?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).
The second phase of the menstrual cycle is called the follicular or proliferative phase. The ovary, in response to increasing levels of follicle stimulating hormone, begins the egg maturation process. Although 10–20 eggs begin to develop within follicles of the ovaries, usually only one egg reaches maturity. Follicles are clusters of cells that encase a developing egg, hence the name "follicular phase." Developing follicles release the hormone estrogen that stimulates the lining of the uterus, called the endometrium, to grow (proliferate) in preparation to receive an embryo (an egg that has been fertilized and begun dividing) and establish pregnancy. This is why the second phase is also called the "proliferative phase." This phase usually lasts through day 13.
The ovulation phase occurs in response to a surge in luteinizing hormone and is marked by the release of a mature egg from the follicle. Ovulation usually occurs on day 14.
The fourth phase is called the luteal, secretory, premenstrual, or postovulatory phase, and usually lasts from days 15–28. During this phase, the empty follicle, now called the corpus luteum, releases the hormone progesterone which further prepares the uterus for implantation of an embryo. The endometrium thickens because of cell growth, changes in blood vessels and glands, and increases in fluid. If pregnancy does not occur, the fall in progesterone levels initiates the onset of a new menstrual cycle. However, if pregnancy does occur, progesterone levels remain high and the endometrium is not shed.
Additional Info:In the United States, menstruation typically begins at 12.8 years of age in Caucasian girls and 12.4 years of age for African American girls. Factors that help to dictate the age at which menarche occurs include race, mother's age at menarche, nutritional status, body fat, as well as climate and elevation. Studies have shown that a body fat level of 17% is necessary for menstruation to begin.Women who live together or work in close proximity tend to find that their cycles begin to coincide. During the menstrual cycle, the body releases hormones called pheromones, which may signal surrounding women's cycles to begin.Puberty signals the maturation of a young woman's reproductive hormones. As a girl reaches puberty, the pituitary gland in the brain starts to produce the hormones that signal the ovaries to begin functioning. The interaction between these hormones and the hormones estrogen and progesterone causes the lining of the uterus to swell and thicken in anticipation of a fertilized egg. If the egg is not fertilized, the lining is discharged through the vagina, resulting in menstrual bleeding.
So, you see what goes on in you every other month! How remarkable! How wow! little wonder you sure av more understanding of life situations and a broader one at that. There is so much that goes in inside of you! You are no ordinary person,Woman! You are a being that is carefully, painstankingly, seriously wired by the creator! I dare say that you are complicated such that you require so much care and understanding of who you really are (from the maker) to totally get His best for you! Feel me? Not just second best,but the number 1 best! Monica Peters is sure not an enemy in all totality,there is still some good in her. The sculptor,potter( if you like),of the heaven and earth,has asked that she comes round to make things work in your beautifully crafted body every other month in preparation for that great assignment of bringing forth! I really used to hate her but not until I GOT the revelation of who and what she stands for-like a means to an end and not an end in itself-feel me?,I began to appreciate the beauty of the whole drama...
As I finish this,I can only wait for the last man standing to come quickly(wink) and in His time. As we explore the journey of the(throat clearing) together! shhh... hope no one is reading this part o''I have written some stuff about the need for my own 'd**k' (Oh Lord,av mercy!, am still born again o& I promise to go for confession on Sunday in dad's church!I promise-all I ask for is my own and u bet that isnt too much to ask now? or is it? I just avnt summoned up enough courage to put the poem up.
Afterall,some married peeps av said that Monica Peters gets weak and in fact loses her power of pain,cramps,and kicks when one is married! Mum say so too!(wink) So, I berra believe it ... and hey! u berra believe it too.And just in case you are like me ,waiting patiently for the tall,dark,handsome(not compulsory),anoited(mandatory),appointed(important),intelligent(necessity),rich(whether physically or spiritually-so far he sells me a vision that he is ready to follow),then hear what the prophet is saying to the church,''YOU ARE WORTH THE WAIT''.
Hang in there some little more...ooouc... h...
Leave me na, u sef?...lol!By the way, I do hope she goes away soon enough so that I can eat some more chocs and sweets and all. I kinda hate the seriuosness that she comes with! Besides, on a more serious note now o, I have a party on Saturday, abeg carry go o bcos I really need to 'free' myself that day and not keep checking my backside and all to be sure that there arent some sudden rush that will make me blush!And whether you like it or not, am wearing the white pants!
Monica Peters, I hail you...
Bollarnle. ©
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