Meaning,''a NATIVE DOCTOR DOESNT CONSULT HIS ORACLE CONCERNING THAT WHICH HE KNOWS''I have been aving sleepless nights (again) and it was just last night that I was able to sleep soundly. I av been aving so many thoughts come to my mind. I guess I av been able to disect the issue, diagnose and am sure of what I would av you comment on. As I was writing this, friend & I were aving a talk and when he asked how I was doing and I replied thus,'I am tired,anxious,giddy,restless, etc'. Now, that was one thing I dread doing;tellling when u arnt asked or telling and not really sure if d person really wanted u to bore him with stuffs! But I did all d same. I also tried to quickly say no be bele I carry sha o. And because the guy too sabi grammar, he began to analyse the definition of all dat I had said was wrong or right (take ur pick) . tired=u re overworked & needs rest , anxious, giddy, restless,anxious=u re expectant & not sure when or howgiiddy:feeling slightly sick and unable to balance, because everything seems to be moving ;dizzyness=either from hunger or .Well, I confirmed to him that he sure was right about the definitions. And men! my beloved friend statred getting statistical, more analytical ,and of course more grammatical on me!I just tried to be polite and not ask him to stop boring me with all d details but as God wld av it, mon ami figured that I was bored! Men, dat guy is my friend indeed and if no be say he don marry, I for just ask am to marry me quick quick!He too sabi me jare!I feel so awful at the mo and it has been lingering for too long such dat I know I wld be needing your help! My reason and point actually for putting this up...See, for very few people who know me, I am sure one of the things they wld say about me is d truth dat I av a problem with hiding my feelings. Recently, av had quite alot of experiences dat are kinda challenging me and( though am not yet registered in dat school of thought )I am contemplating doing so. The school of thought that wants to keep stuffs to themselves and wldnt wanna share.(By d way, I used to be dat way.) Not from being me per say, but to just keeping mute but even as I try to finish dat statement on keeping mute,hear wat the Illustrated Dictionary of Esan Langauge has to say,''odin ii talo,ota ri ole bhi unu''- ( although speechless,the mute has something to say!). Then, u bet that doesnt live me with any choice other than to say something even in my state.I have had my share(fair) of quite some measure of pains in this one life. I have been through such and such ,so I identify basically with that as well. Well, to be fair on the good sides, I can say without an iota of doubt that God has been good to me,I can not over emphasize how really good He has been to me.He sure has been. He has taken&saved me from so much that if u get me started on it,I may not really drive home my point(s) exactly...N.B:Does anyone understand how difficult it is for a christain to be truthful and not faith' ful'? U feel dat part of calling a spade a spade or berra still, caling a problem a problem& and not calling it a challenge? This of course brings to mind a particular phase in my life-wanna read it? I will tell u(wink). Last year, I completed a course in Leadership at the Daystar Leadership Academy(DLA) . At d Advanced level, we av such and such groups that u may join in but that is if d group u want 2 join isnt filled up,in dat case, u will av to join anoda, yours sincerly walked with her eyes opened and her brains intact into the problem- solving group! To think dat at dat time I had almost everything dat cld go wrong ,go wrong!I was really aving it bad such dat at a point I felt jinxed! Yeah, I went into dat group with an assurance& it was to give all those problems, d solutuions dat they require. I walked into dat group with my brians fired up and ready to let God do His part and I do mine! I walked into it! and peeps, I sure got wat I was looking for. maybe some of the things we learnt have prompted me to share this with you ,I dont really know, but one thing I know is dat I require HELP! hello, anyone with me on this?Please dont try to think am not so sure that God is and dat He can handle all issues but hey permit me to tell you this in this manner. Feel me?Again, a part of me is saying, u dont want anybody to read this, do u? Dont worry, I might delete it later if am sober about this but at d mo ,am not.Recently, a friend asked me how I was doing and when I decided to realy tell him how I was doing... To my dismay, he said to me,''no, I dont mean that you should tell me , I dont really want to hear it ,I just asked as a form of greeting''. Immediately, something gave way inside of me. May I add taht I no be oyinbo wey be say them dey cry at every ''supposed ' verbal abuse but truth be told, this one really hit me. By d way, av also had some measure of verbal abuse but it sure remins a part in history and at d mo,I only regard any latest development as being entitled to ur opinion' Not as a form of defence machanism but as a way of saying to precious me that I wolud not carry on waht does not belong to me! And what is more? I av also come to know taht I and only me,av the will power to feel the way I wanna feel. I cant control wat others feel about me ,I can only control mine! But somehow this 'aloofness',' indifference','lackadaisical' approach to the institution of friendship got me really thinking! It sure hit me so hard. I understand taht we humans are all susceptible to mistakes but I jsut want to be clear on this one.Back to my gist, when he said that, I felt a dry bitter taste in my mouth! I felt bile!It was a case of 'Bolanle wanted to call out her shock, but the incoherent cry turned in her throat into a spurt of stomach bile'. I felt pained,my heart began to pound so fast ,I was so hurt and am sure it must av been once dat I felt dat way before-when my dad passed on... I recall I was asked not to cry, so I was trying to please all d folks who said I shouldnt. Just when I was getting to really know him ,he was murdered and someone said I shdlnt cry?!I just swallowed hard and no matter wat anyone said or did, I just stared at them. I guess this was d same way I felt again that day but d only difference was dat I knew dat crying in dis case wld be a worthless venture. This fellow had said wat he wanted to.'' I didnt ask to know ,I just wanted to greet you the way I did my other friends!'' Maybe, am being too serious here, or too 'up -tight' and holding on to wat isnt really worth it. But I sincerly wanna ask you, please tell me. What do u mean when u ask how someone is fairing? Is it really a form of greeting? Does it really mean that it isnt supposed to be detailed,I mean a detailed response isnt really required? right or wrong? pls tell. I really need to. Also when you say,good morning, good afternoon,good nite etc wat do u mean? What does 'how do you do? ' mean. I dont need to know so as to help my forgiveness journey with this 'supposed' friend bcos I already av. And to tell u. I think I appreciate the fellow's sincerity but this is why I av to know: 1. so as to avoid such ' bile -feelings' in the near future2. to really get to greet in such a manner (if it turns out right and you are able to convince me)3. to understand how e-freindship, e-greeting,e-mannerism and all ''e-s'' really work. I sincerly am in dire need of your contributions. This is partly what I feel at the mo.I also feel kinda sick...pls dont tell me to see a doc bcos I wont! but I am sure I feel kinda emotionally drained too. From missing someone to loving someone to talking to another to all of dat! (lol). Am not sure if anyone feels me sha o!(wink)-lol!I am the herbalist in my case and I tell you, I really dont need to consult 'my' oracle, (all I need do is wait some more) I sure know where&how the thing dey do me. However, ladies and gentlemen, I speak of the latter and not the former . I still require your contributions... please!
OMOBOLANLE FASOKUN©
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