A Tall Order? (II)

... TO THE GOD NOBODY KNOWS. I'm here to introduce you to this God so you can worship intelligently, know who you're dealing with. The God who made the world and everything in it, this Master of sky and land, doesn't live in custom-made shrines or need the human race to run errands for him, as if he couldn't take care of himself. He makes the creatures; the creatures don't make him.Starting from scratch, he made the entire human race and made the earth hospitable, with plenty of time and space for living so we could seek after God, and not just grope around in the dark but actually find him. He doesn't play hide-and-seek with us. He's not remote; he's near. We live and move in him, can't get away from him! One of your poets said it well: 'We're the God-created.' Well, if we are the God-created, it doesn't make a lot of sense to think we could hire a sculptor to chisel a god out of stone for us, does it? "God overlooks it as long as you don't know any better--but that time is past. The unknown is now known, and he's calling for a radical life-change. He has set a day when the entire human race will be judged and everything set right. And he has already appointed the judge, confirming him before everyone by raising him from the dead."
- Apostle Paul ( Acts 17:23-31 - The Message Bible)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We desire:

-A place of worship, streaming out from a heart that knows that he is nothing without the creator.

- A place of ministration to the living God.

- A monument of the heart.

-An imponderable place of worship built to the reverence of an invisible God that owns the sole power to operate in tangibility and or intangibility yet CAN NOT BE TIED TO A BOX!

-A state and place of (our) mind where only He dwells and lives in -seclusion from and to external factors.

- A place where the vicissitudes, cares, worries, the anxieties of this life can not get to yet a place where we fix all the shoves, kicks and bites that life brings!

- A place where we have the heart of God, then as the world comes down on us, we are protected against it.

-A place of constant communication with the Father.

-A place where no one else has admittance into.

-The place meant for our First Love.

- The place where we are constantly reminded of the ‘’I do’’ commitment to the lover of our soul.

- The place where the 'plight of troth' we took is for better and FOR WORSE!

-The place where we daily rejoice in the joy of our salvation.

-A place where nothing ‘moves' or 'shakes' us.

-A place where we can walk on water just because He bid us come!

- The place where we are deeply rooted in Him who is above only and dwells in and all by Himself.

- A place of God sufficiency!

-A place where we understand and know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.

- A place where we are reassured that whom He did foreknow, He also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of His Son.

-An altar where it is settled that we are called because we have been predestinated, and whom He called, them He also justified: and whom He justified, them He also glorified.

-An altar where we are certain and then submit, ‘’what shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?

-A place where we dig that the battle is not ours but for the One Mighty in Battle.

-The place of consecration.

- A place where we can throw our hands in 'reckless' abandon in outward expression to the Father.

- A place where ego is not an issue . I talk of a place where a man humbles himself to the point of raising his hands and a big exchange of power occurs.The outward sign that comes only after some pretty major battles were fought and won on the inside by their desire to worship in obedience from a pure heart! *Ahem!*

- A place of faith, humility and obedience.

- A place where we have everything to gain by losing our religion to total worship and praise.

- A place where we take off the mask of lifeless tradition and religious perfectionism and completely open up to God.

- The secret place where we find strength, joy, and refreshing.

-A place where out of our worship of and with Him, He decides to call us to make the relationship public!!

- A place where God becomes more than real to us!

-The place where we operate by love- loving our enemies and all who despitefully use us.

- A place where the power of love steadily makes of no effect ,hate.

-A place where light comes in and darkness loses its grasp!

-An altar where only God dictates what we do.

-An altar where He renames us.

- A place of appellation for the Father!

-An altar built for the King of Kings!

-A place where it is not so much about Bethel(the house of God) but more about El- bethel(the God of the house). Having the full grasp that the ordinances are but empty things if we do not meet with God in them!

-An altar of veneration.

-A place where we forget everything in God’s presence save HIM!

-A place where we understand it is in Him we live, move , and have our being!

-A place that we never lose sight of the truth that if it hadn’t been the Lord that (was) is on our side…!

- A place where we know that there is nothing that we have that has not been given to us by the Lord.

- A place where if the Lord doesn't give us, we wont take it.

-A place of neglect of self, will and power!

-A place of willingness to love the Lord and not use Him!

-The place where ‘’for though the fig tree blossom not nor fruit be on the vines, though the yield of the olive fail and the terraces produce no nourishment, though the flocks disappear from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet will I rejoice in the LORD and exult in my saving God. GOD, my Lord, is my strength; He makes my feet swift as those of hinds and enables me to go upon the heights’’.

-A place where it is more of what He will have us do for Him than what we want Him to do.

-An altar that seeks His heart more than His hand.

- A place where even at those times that we can not feel the appreciable presence of God, it doesn’t stop us from loving Him still.

-A place where even the silence of God is an answer! Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

-A place of daily growth.

-A place where we have grown to the capacity of what He has given us , so much that whenever He requires that we give it, we GIVE IT!

- An altar where we know that the son we give Him today will give rise to 'nations of sons.'

-A place of rest and assurance.

- An altar where doubt fades away and only trust rules!

-An altar that always turns every strike from the accuser into his worse nightmare.

-A place where power is at work in us.

-A place where the power is from God.

-A place where our spouse , consort, mate or closest friend can't go or get with us.

-A place all by ourself and God.

-A personal altar.

-An altar.

-An altar reserved for us and God alone.

-A God Reserved Area?!

-An altar of the Lord our God built in total submission to the will of the Father.

-A place that has left people wondering if we haven’t lost our mind.

-An altar tuned into another frequency other than theirs.

- An altar where we can enjoy worshipping God in a way the world will never understand.

-An altar that turns us into another man.

-An altar where we are the priest of the Most High!

-A place of serenity.

-An altar of tranquility with the confines of the spirit and the soul even when the body says otherwise.

-A place where we know that anybody can praise Him(especially when all is well with them) but that we know that those who will worship Him must do so in spirit and in truth because God is a Spirit.

-A place that causes us to faint not because though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.

-A place where at those low times , we are assured that He would grant us, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might by His Spirit in the inner man.

-A place where He gives power to the faint and to them that have no might, He increases strength.

-A place where we never underestimate the efficacy of ''grace , grace unto you!''

- A place where grace is higher that any sin.

- An altar that you grasp that true grace justifies the sinner not the sin!!

- A place where nothing in us rejoices at the judgment upon others and yet desires that our sins be overlooked!

-A place where we are in constant awe of the one who has called us to priesthood.

- A place where God is most glorified in us because we are most satisfied in him.

-A place of humility borne out of the amazing , unflinching and unchanging love of the Father!

-An altar where the power of His love is changing us.

-An altar based on every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God.

-An altar that assures of a path that shines bright and bright unto the perfect day.

-A place of refuge in times of war.

-A place of abundance in times of famine.

-An unshakable, tenacious anchor and trust on the saving power of God.

-The altar where the sicknesses of a thousand presidents won't stop the sanity of the economy!!!!

-A place where there are no tiger's indiscretions because we understand BOUNDARIES! *lol!*

-A place where there are no fake goods, global warming,PHCN, slow internet connections or where bears develop temporary amnesia and eat up their ‘keeper Mrs.’!

-A place of absolute, unadulterated and sovereign sanity!!!

-A place where there are no doubts about who ,when and how to marry, where to work, what to eat, where to go etc. *Yeah, those too!*

-A place where all we wait for each day is what the one who created things in and from the beginning has to say and do; what He will have us say and or have us do!

-A place (where), ‘’in the beginning God created the heaven and the earth’’!

-An altar before the serpent came! The beginning! Oh…!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-An altar where 2010(and beyond) is solely dependent on God.

An altar where none else matters… But you, our husbandman!

"To keep Your lovely face, ever before our eyes, this is our prayer, make it our strong desire! That in our secret heart, no other love competes, no rival throne survives, and we (want to) serve only You."

Risky? Well , something has got to give to 'get there'!

A tall order? I am particularly tired of playing(other) games when worship is the (ONLY)name of the game!


Omobolanle
20122009
1:26 pm.

Birthday girl is grateful

When I wrote Yau ranan haifua na ne last year to ‘mark’ my 26th birthday, little did I know it was the beginning of what I would like to call, a crusade on the mother of all social networks. It has afforded me the opportunity to read and share with some of the most beautiful people this world has 'housed'. I have also been encouraged in my writings and I have had the reason to believe more in myself! I celebrate you all this last one year and thank you for finding my space, worth your time. Both the online and offline commentators! :-)

I bring to mind how that I would read and write in bedrooms, bathrooms, dining rooms, and sitting rooms. When eating,hungry, sad, happy, excited and anything! Believe me, therefore when I state here again that I am grateful to all the people who have showed me great love by reading some of my rantings , thoughts, submissions and think that it is good stuff! I thank you. Honestly, some of them, I understand, have also been rantings from an almost deranged mind that God has got in control.

In all, I embraced the inherent gift of writing from those very low times and how therapeutic it was in venting! In writing, I have imagined been in places I had never been but would want to, people I have never met but would want to.All of this as far as I can articulate. I remember the days when I cry and my vision blurred and I will still write! The days I feel so excited and won’t even be able to find the words to express how I feel. Phew! From all the many failures to the successes to the depths and heights in God and life! I would just try and write and sometimes cry and write! …

I rememeber all that I had to deal with in the last 26 years and gratitude wells up in my inside. From the innermost being of the 'real' me. I mean from the depth of my soul to the casing of me, called, the body. I talk as one who has come to chase after the richness of the soul and spirit than of the body, I am grateful to God!

I remember...

The little me of messed up past ,cracked toys that brought more shame than fame, the me of the phobia for all that was supposed to be enjoyed in the original concept of the creator, the me of bitterness instead of betterment, the me that came out of darkness into God's marvelous light.

I remember!

And I am grateful.I remember the past and I cringe. I remember the verbal abuses that got me questioning my parenthood! What was wrong with my full lips I questioned at some point? Nah. baby girl, your lips, your hips and finger tips will make your prince charming melt anyday! I told myself that when the scales fell off my eyes and that is all I need to confound my abusers! I remember the flashers, I remember the sex under the bridge by human beings who had lost the will to stay sane! I remember the men who have lost their reason to be men and acted out the beast in them...

I remember Anne Frank and how I identify with her in so many areas that I almost thought I was doing my story! I remember the many near death experiences I had had and more gratitude well up!I remember all the many birthday cakes I missed and yeah, the ones I didnt. I remember how dad's gruesome murder in this city has remained a mystery till now. You know, I wonder how and why I still remain patriotic in a country that has failed me so. I marvel at the gift of love for all that has given hate in return and I am quick to remember God and I immediately know that the seed and or the will to love He has sown in me and how so much love can go round now!! Isn't love a miracle!!!!!!!!!

I remember and am humbled!I remember how I hid all these pains these past years in the corners of my heart and in the ink on my notepads and I realise it is better and yeah, cathartic letting out 'secrets' !I can not agree more with the quote that a parachute is best when it is in use!...So, I write today because it is my birthday! I think the name, Omobolanle, is more prophetic and perhaps, a projection into the wealth and richness of the soul that I seek and pursue in life than the tangibility of wealth that can or may develop wings and disappear! Whoever gave me the name must have been divinely inspired .(smile). As for my surname? It aint a permanent address, if you know what I mean and I aint going there with you! *feigning anger* ;-)

Turning 27 today is for me a plus! I am hopeful and that is why I say so. I am grateful too. There is still so much grounds to cover. I know. So many more people to meet,share, bless , be blessed through and all. I am going to think and live this next one as one who is counting every hour like it is the last and going to give it my best shot! I am going to make it count. I am courageuos. I am encouraged. I am motivated!Dont get it twisted...I choose to do something about what I can do something about and leave to a power higher and greater than me to do that which I can not do for and by myself.

I know...
that
Life is complicated by time.
If one knew how things would turn, guess there would be less to probably regret because we would make our choices and decisions slower, surer and wiser! Life has taught me amongst other things that what I do while am waiting determines my character , it is therefore, wise for me to remain in the 'passenger seat' of the best chauffeur that aids life journey!

I am grateful STILL...

I remember again-
I have watched with admiration and appreciation to God as family members embrace the love of God after years that I have trusted and believed God for them.
- I have also watched marriages on the brink of collapse come back again.
-I have seen friends off to the airport, car parks and bid them farewell, amidst tears of joy that no matter where this life takes us, we will still be friends.
-This last one year, I have seen my self sleep deeper, and quit worrying over what lies ahead! -I have summoned enough courage to learn and keep learning from experiences and though some of them are to be forgotten, their lessons have stayed!
- I have embraced forgiveness, compassion and a newer zeal to contribute my quota to nation building.
- Yeah, I have watched myself walk however slowly but surely, away from all that cause pain!

I am ready...
- I make bold to say , bring it on Lord!

new burdens
new rooms,
new challenges,
new capacities,
new thinking,
new dreams,
new levels!
*new devils*

I am going to...
Build capacity to accommodate more rooms. I am doing it , it is me! I choose to listen , believe and trust the voice of truth. The one that says do not be afraid! Selah!

Happy birthday to me! I have come a mighty long way just because God kept me!
Happy birthday, Omobolanle Agnes. It is your birthday! Be rest assured that your Father got your back in the years ahead.
It’s my birthday , and these two songs I present to my maker. I present as an act of worship. I present from a heart filled with profound appreciation. This song, is to you, my first love. Jesus the one who loves me even before I loved Him. The one whose love for me is truer than the one I have for Him. Thank you Lord, it is to you I sing on my birthday!

I’m pressing on the upward way,
New heights am gaining everyday.
Still praying as I onward bound,
Lord plant my feet on higher ground.
Lord lift me up and let me stand by faith on heaven’s table –land,
A higher plane than I have found;
Lord plant my feet on higher ground.

…

I have found a friend in Jesus,
He’s everything to me,
He’s the fairest of ten thousand to my soul,
the lily of the valley,
in Him alone I see,
all I need to cleanse and make me fully whole.
In sorrow He’s my comfort,
in trouble He’s my stay.
He tells me every care on Him to roll:
He is the lily of the valley the bright and morning star;
He’s the fairest of ten thousand to my soul.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY,
OMOBOLANLE AGNES!
17102009

God said to tell you!

Have you ever being through stuff too overwhelming to articulate?
Have you ever been crushed you felt you would lose your mind any time soon?
Have you ever been preaching and got tired?
Have you ever tried to revive folks and secretly want to quit?
Have you ever tried to help people and get tired of the people you are trying to help?
Have you ever been at your wits' end yet you give wisdom to others and they walk away being blessed?
Have you ever encouraged people and went home discouraged?
Have you ever wished you had someone to encourage you like you do others?
Have you ever hoped it was you that is being prayed for the way folks ask you to pray for them?
Have you ever been there for friends and wondered where all your fiends at?
...
It is a strategy.
The enemy meant it for evil but God made it for good!
The enemy is fighting you because of what is in you!
He hates you for the treasures locked up inside you!
The whole creation is waiting for your manifestation.
Don't give up!
It is suicidal not to know who you are intrinsically
It is harakiri not to know who you are eternally
The enemy is fighting you with all the external circumstances that grip your heart that gradually convince you that you do not have anything in you that is productive but the devil is a liar!

Listen baby,

Your oil is in your crushing.
Your fragrance is in your pouring out
Your parachute is at its best when in use.
The one who is God all my Himself asked me to tell you that He has got you in mind

Can't you see?
that,
Through your pain,
you have been able
To pray better,
Trust God better
Put your feet up
Hold your head up
Praise God all by yourself
Lay hands on your own head
Commend God through some tears!

It is a strategy
Just so that you can
Pull out.
Release that which is inherent in you!
So that God's manifold wisdom might be shown in you and through you.
The enemy, can like he did Job, take away everything you owed and had,
but he is paying back ten times over!
I didn't say so,
The Being perfect in power, wisdom, and goodness and the creator and ruler of the universe
SAID TO TELL YOU!
Selah!

Anne Frank ... (12)

The diaries end here..! Are you ready for this?

Anne Frank writes.

March 10th , 2005.
Result of pap smear says I have carcinoma in situ, similar to severe dysplasia, true cancer!Cervical cancer?! Now that colposcopy sucks! Tired of taking pain killers after each one. All these fruitless things. Dad doesn't seem to know how to spend his money.

What is happening to me, Lord?

Now I know for real how cruel this life truly is. Just when my business is starting?! Of all these medical conditions, what I don't understand is how I have to be the only one this ill?!

April , 2005.
Just barely 6 months to my 25th birthday! Who is going to marry me with all these complications in my life? Just who?

Mum is not feeling well. Dad is not in town! Dave is expected back soon. Some relief , I guess.

September , 2005.
My birthday in a few days.

Went for another Pap Smear in another hospital, this one said I have cancer in my cervix for real. Is that supposed to be a birthday gift? Is God punishing me for wrongs done in the past?
...

My birthday. In hospital! I don't feel sick yet though. Dad just thinks I need more attention than ever.

October 5th, 2005.
Peter came visiting today. At the hospital though. He came home briefly. No one has said anything to him about my true condition. Dad said I had malaria! I wish!

November, 2005.
I still don't know why they said I have cancer. I feel ok.

Business

David is here! I told him. We cried together for so long. People die when they have cancer! Dont they, Darlyn?

January ,2006.
Peter asked to marry me. What? Is it because he comes around to see me? I dont want any entanglement right now or ever. I have more than enough to contend with already!

March , 2006.Dad thinks I am ripe for marriage. Hmmm. With all these cervical abnormalities? Hardly!

April, 2006.
Peter still on my case. What part of no does he not understand?!

Dubai, London and then back home!

Wow! What a long travel that was. Hi Darlyn!!!


Happy birthday to me. 17/09/2006. 26!

I feel really sick now.

December met me in the hospital! ( literally).

August 2007.
They said I fell into coma all those months! Why didn't they just bury me? Phew!

I went to church today at Peter's invite. I can almost swear that I have seen that pastor before but I am not sure where? Uni., maybe?...

Yeah! I remember him. The fellowship coordinator way back in school! He now pastors, hmmm?

November 2007.
I said yes to Peter's proposal.

David thinks I made a good choice. As for me? I don't love him. What is love anyway? I am not sure and time isn't on my side to find that out.

February 2008.
Formal Introduction to Peter! Mum said I will be fine with him. Dad thinks so too.

As for me, hm mm.

Date fixed for the D - day! I didn't know I was going to marry Peter after all!

The cancer is growing and my menstrual flow gets heavier and more uncomfortable!

Smelly discharges too!

Today, the 25th of July, 2008, I married a man I don't have any feelings for and who is totally unaware of what he is about to go into! Registry...

Darlyn, first sex experience that I consented to. Willingly. ! Hmmm.

Honeymoon was short. Darlyn had shocking news to tell...

He is HIV positive. He told me of his past life and all that he had done. How he even raped a few times. Yeah, I am married to a former cultist!

August 2008.
Good reason to tell him mine , right? I hope he can handle it.

September 2008.
Sex. Sex. Doesn't Peter know about any other thing.

Routine sex... now , I am bored! Hmph!

I am contemplating undergoing a radical hysterectomy in London as advised. Especially if I want to stay around here some more. 50-50 % chance of survival, they said.

Today , I am 28 and somehow , this one is kinda reflective. How has my life been?

November , 2008.
I told Peter everything. I mean ALL! He wept like a baby. Am sad, Darlyn.

His parents are here!!!!

January 2009.
Peter 's mum came to our house and asked me to leave! I thought I was dreaming but I have been back to my father's place since two weeks! Peter isn't doing anything about it. Mum blamed me for telling him.

March 2009.
I signed the divorce papers. H mm. Just any more push, and I will lose my mind completely. I didn't love this man but I feel the loss of one who is not 'useful!'

Face book fever at its peak! I just cant get enough. To think I joined long before now. Worth indulging at these times too. My hysterectomy draws near.

Lord, take me should I die. Let me meet you in paradise. Here has been so tiring.

*David takes over from here *

April 2009
This time I doubt if Anne is going to come back from this one. The operation will hold in a few weeks.

Anne wishes to have this diary published. She is so sick. I hate to bring the news again!

*Anne writes...

Today, I leave the shores of Nigeria for the hysterectomy.Mum and dad are coming too. David can not. I am leaving you with Dave, Darlyn. Should I return, remember I love you and thank you for being there all these years.

*She writes her (perhaps) the first set of diaries in the laptop. Where she constantly 'face books' Permit me to write in caps.*

I WANT ALL THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE HURT ME TO KNOW THAT I FORGIVE THEM AND RELEASE THEM AS I INTEND TO FIND FREEDOM FOR MY SOUL TOO. METHINKS MOST OF WHAT I SUFFER AT THE MOMENT IS MORE PSYCHOLOGICAL THAN ANYTHING ELSE THE DOCTORS THINK! MUM, DAD, AUNT JANE, EVERYONE...! AND YEAH, MYSELF. 10: 30 am, May 14, 2009. Darlyn, I will miss you.

Dave writes...
She returns tomorrow, Darlyn. June , 2009.

Anne writes...
Operation performed. I feel so empty within. July, 2009.I just sleep and do little reading.

My flow is still so heavy.

David writes...

She bleeds severally now. I am losing my sister, Darlyn. July 29, 2009

5th August, 2009. Darlyn will be published by awemoreborelanlay! She agreed to do it! That is Anne wants. She is so pale now , so , so. Losing weight and all...

*She is still bleeding as we speak. The doctors say she may not last the year. Something went wrong with the operation , I guess+ her hubby( former) who is HIV positive! Hmmm.
Now , in case you have been reading or just joining in, I bring to you the DIARIES of one I call , Anne Frank. You have to read from the beginning to appreciate the ills in the world that we live in and ensure that we do our part in reducing them.

...That an adult can be callow and a child can understand adult stuff? Hmmm. An aberration perhaps? Or what damage lies in a child who isn't allowed to grow steady before adult things are exposed to it? Or think about an adult who has lost touch of his childhood just because he has grown! Can anyone learn to write well if he hasn't learnt the alphabets? Foundational issues,hun? ... - excerpts from my one my recent thoughts and as I come to the end of the diaries, this thought are so prominent YET AGAIN!

CHECKMATE, yo' all! You and I are the change we seek! And yes, Jesus is the answer for the world today.

Awemoreborelanlay
Final day ( on Anne Frank's dairies, that it. )

Anne Frank... (11)

*Being a while , hun? I had to do a lot of other stuff. I apologize.*


She continues...

David has gone for youth service at last! It 's been a while since I came here, you know...

I feel sick today. Maybe it's the long stress of reading and all that. Law school is just a few weeks away. Am nervous. And yeah! Excited!

I still feel sick.

Menstrual cramps. So painful, I just hate it!

I need to feel well, Lord. I am not missing school yet again!

* Anne feel terribly ill the following day and was rushed to the hospital. The doctors carried out series of tests, and like the one she had before now, it appeared mysterious!

David takes over her diary...

Darlyn, I am so sad to be here again. Anne is so ill. I am not in town either as service calls but she wants me to hold you for now. Will she be OK? I hope so, she seems so sick this time and no one seems to know what is wrong.

Today her mates resume law school. She is still at the hospital. I know she isn't a sickly girl but this sickness seems all too mysterious. God, please heal my sister. I am so confused.

Mum brought Anne home today. She isn't getting better in that hospital.

I am so afraid. She cant even write in you, Darlyn. She cant do anything. She just sleeps, lie in bed all day, eat little. Mum said the doctors said she needs to be taken care of through some other means. I am all the more confused.

Anne seems to be better by the day. But she has been sick for nearly five months. Why? Why should life be that cruel to her? Why?

She can walk round the house now. Her back is still so stiff from weeks of lying down. Oh Anne...

She writes again...

Darlyn! I have missed you all these months that I have been sick? I missed law school again! Life is still so cruel to me. Why? Just why?


There really isn't any point staying around here, I guess.

George and all the others have gone on to law school. It is just me! What is wrong with me? Must I be so jinxed?

George didn't even call or come. Hmmm. This life tells so much of being alone. It is just you and you! Well, maybe God.

Results from Uni were cool. But of what use is it if I cant go on to law school? Lord come through for me. I am so confused right now. Why didn't you take me away in that sickness? Why did you bring me through it all? . Hmmm.

My 24th birthday! hmph! Nothing to really look up to! Shouldn't have been here. Ok day though. Got a cake from mum and had a few neighbors come around. I miss David. He had to travel.

Mum is wondering what I am going to do with my life.

I dont want to go youth service. Mum and dad are afraid for me. Afraid that I might die in a strange land. I am sure I will meet God when I go away. Life is so hard , so ,so.

I thought I was loved by George. Now I know where I stand. Can I really and truly be loved?


I agreed with mum and dad. I aint going for youth service. I will go into business. What do I sell? Options a- clothes.
Options b- jeweleries.

Hmmm. I guess I will take jeweleries! I have always loved to wear them myself.


Christmas.

New year.

Guess who came visiting me at home today? Peter! He is done with his finals and waiting for youth service next year. I am glad he came , you know. David didn't come home for Christmas or new year. Maiduguri is very far from here after all!

New year! Lord, what do I do with this one?

Dad got my Dubai runs! I will be traveling in few weeks.

Lord, make everything work.


Darlyn, I didn't take you to Dubai. I am glad I didn't after all, it was quite rough.

Back with a lot to sell.

Lord I thank you for dad and mum. All the money they gave me to start up and all. Wow.

Peter is going for youth service in March. How nice.

I am feeling funny yet again! I pray this is not another sickness brewing!

Feel great today.

Menstrual cramps. Heavy flows lately. Too , too heavy.


* Anne Frank draws to an end ... Thanks for your patience*
Awemoreborelanlay
Day 11

Anne Frank...(10)

Anne continues...

500 level! More work at this level, I tell you ,Darlyn. I have to brace up for the challenge I guess.

George went home briefly today. I miss him like so much! Isn't it crazy the way our minds work as ladies? We say we never would love again and yet? Well, not sure about love though but I like him a lot.

Missing Teresa and Jessica. So much too.


Some serious tests, tutorials, study! Whew! A lot of serious stuff. George got back today.

More tests. More projects this time! No one told me being a lawyer would be this tasking.


Send off for us.

Exams!

I feel so horny today. I didn't pray, I simply masturbated. Oh! How I feel so bad now. Am so sorry, Lord. I really am.


The urge to masturbate is so here again! God! I need you now!

Visited a few friends . I wont be going home this break. Really no need for it. I miss David. He would have helped get some home cooking. How I miss that too.

George didn't go home either. We read and talk a lot these days. He is fun to be with,Darlyn. So much fun to be with. Hmmm.

Darlyn, George has taken your place. I hardly write in you as I used to. Not to worry, I will.

My birthday! 23 already?! Now I am grown all right! George got me a dress. How did he know my size? It really fitted so well. And a bible too. I am glad. 17/09/2003.
Wow!

Darlyn, do I tell George all that I have been through? No, I am not. He won't be my friend anymore I guess. Plus I am not ready for that level of vulnerability! Guys are the same. Secret, secret.

George told me a lot about himself today. I wont say any of mine. At least not now. We are preparing for our finals about now.

Read, read, study, cram ...hm-mm. tutorials, lectures, ....

Exams...


Today, I finished from ********** ! Wow! Five years ago, I walked into this school and now I aint leaving the same.

Waiting for results. I pray it comes out well. George and I have a prayer retreat later today. I need to get what our friendship is all about. I dont want any funny repeat.

Menstrual cramps. What a day! George knew it! He has five sisters! Nothing to be ashamed of then. One open secret, Darlyn, he seems to know when am due for the next one!

Few weeks to be done withe this side of my life. I have loads to pack and give out too.

David missed youth service. He aint happy about it. Me too, Darlyn. He will be here to help me with moving my things back to the house. I love my brother so much. He has always been there for me.

Law school in few months. I feel funny about it though. I dont know why. I pray I dont fall sick though. I should pray more these days.

Will George not ask me to marry him? Just thinking or writing aloud!

Awemoreborelanlay
Day 10

Anne Frank...(9)

Tired yet? Nah,please don't be. Anne Frank is getting to the end of her diaries...

She continues..

CD is still dead! Darlyn, will someone wake me up from the nightmare! School has been just there without her. They said she could have survived the accident is she hadn't jumped out of the moving bus! CD harbored that degree of fear?!

I became the acting choir director. I was assisting before though.

The girls are hotter now. I dont feel right ,each time we do it.

One of the girls confessed to our girlie escapades today at the fellowship! What? Thank God she didn't mention any names. But she advised all of us to stop it. What it sin? Didn't CD say it wasn't.

The impact of yesterday's meeting was still so strong to me. The confession part especially.
I need to get to meet Clara. There must be a reason why she did that.

Clara and I became close. I think there is something about what she said that sounds correct. Maybe I need the power to walk out of the girlie stuff. Darlyn? Even guys are no good either! She said God is not glad with us.


Today, Clara made me get rid of CD's gift. Hard thing to do. She said it was the beginning of the deliverance that I craved.

Clara and I are prayer partners. She said the power of prayer can help to stay strong.

I am so horny right now!

Still horny ...

Clara took me to see a pastor friend. She has been helpful too.

It's been two months now and I haven't even thought about doing any of those stuff. Lectures, books, Clara and GOD!

Hmmm. This new me is really hard, you know. I realize living for God takes a lot of commitment!

Exams, exams.

Been here a while...

George. Details later.

George and I are in the project group. Well, we have been classmates but we never used to talk much. I like his intelligence and approach to issues though but he is a guy like every other!
He attends another fellowship around mine and in the choir too! Well, I need to read and be good! I dont want to be entangled for now.

Darlyn, I just finished a 3 day fast! Wow! That wasn't some easy stuff,I tell you. Clara and I met to break the fast at her room. It was an instruction to allow for more cleansing!
I had told Clara a lot of things that I had done! Or that people had done to me and yeah, the ones I did to them too! She said Jesus can and has forgiven me!

I feel horny today but I simply prayed! It went down after a while. Lord, help me.

Help me ,Lord. I will be in 500 level in few months! Life on the bigger scale!

I resigned at the fellowship today. I all of a sudden feel wrong in the position. I had being with most of the girls in the choir and they wont even listen to me any more. Especially now that I began to tell them about my ''newer'' life.
The (new) fellowship coordinator could not understand why. I couldn't tell him. Even the sister's coordinator didn't get me.

The girls!

Oh, how can I right this wrong that CD and I had done in their lives! Just how? I can not return to this fellowship. I guess it is better to also leave. Leaving the position is not enough.

The fellowship excecutives are still on my case.

I joined a church in town. Nice ,warm people. I want to start from the beginning.

Teresa and Jessica are leaving school soon! Oh! Everyone seems to be leaving! I will be fine I guess. Hmmm. Been so used to them. They have helped and thought me a lot in this life! They helped me find God and though I failed in the walk with Him, I still am trying to get back!

George gave me a thank you card today. Our group got the highest recommendation on the project! I did the presentation on behalf of my group. Nice card though!

Reading for a test! I can do all things!

Crampssssssssssss.

I was stained today and George gave me his jacket to cover it! What a shame! I didn't know the pad had shifted!That singular act melted my heart towards him. That was so thoughtful of him. I got to know that he has 5 sisters!

Today, George and I read in class and prepared for tests and exams together too.

Send off ceremony for the set that should have been mine if I had studied a course that was 4 years! I will miss all these people. I really will.

Exams, and more exams.

Home.

Wondering what school will be next year without all the people I love. Jessica,Teresa! All the beautiful people .

George called me on dad's phone today. Dad informed me after three days!

Preparing to get back to school. David's friend asked me to date him. I told him NO! I knew he wanted something more!

School... My room is so empty!I intend to pay for the space of three. I want time to my self. Final year is here! What?! Am thrilled!

Today makes it almost 5 years that I nearly died in that mysterious illness! Thank you Lord for the gift of life and for forgiveness too. Hmmm. Am I really forgiven? If yes, then I must begin to forgive myself and others who have hurt me. What do you think, Darlyn?



Awemoreborelanlay
Day 9.

Anne Frank ...(8)

*Those 'nights of indulgence' with aunt Jane 'sank' Anne Frank more!

She continues...

When aunt Jane left that holiday period,I kept craving for more of her and how she does it! I think she is damn right again... Guys are just bunch of rubbish and doing stuff and hanging out with the girls is just cool. Steve! How that I hate him for what he did.

I returned to school today. David too

Darlyn, this will shock you! Do you know that the choir director is in with this?! I was at her room today and met the door open and lo and behold, she had two choir members with her and they were doing our stuff! Now this gets easier. I went away though and made sure she saw me go! Now this will be so cool!

Methinks this semester will rock than any other since I got here!!!

Fellowship , rehearsals and fun! I now visit the choir director's room more frequently... U know what I mean ,Darlyn!

Lectures! What a day!

More lectures...

Cordelia- the choir director's name. She prefers that name to the CD that most of us called her. I told her it kinda rhymes too. CD is the same cool stuff!

My roommates are so happy for me that I found a friend in CD- they respect her alot and think she would help me grow! Yeah, she is actually. She told me loads about men and what they had done to her in the past. She said they never really change as church folks and that they in fact got worse when they are in church! CD has had five heartbreaks in her 26 years! What? How did she handle all that. CD is so down with the girls!

CD's folks are pastors. Yet church folks have treated her so badly. Ironic ,right? It was her dad's PA that got her into the girlie club when she had her 5th heartbreak!

The girls have grown to about 50! Loads of other ladies mostly heart broken ones , have found a friend in the other girls. We are just happy! Darlyn, I am happy!

Exams are here . I moved to CD's room! She shares with no one after all. She made me the second in command kinda.

Exams...


---------------------------------------------------------------------
The fellowship coordinator asked to see me today. And to my surprise, the guy was asking me out. What is he thinking? I don't want anything to do with any guy and I told him so. He asked me to go and pray about it. Hmmm. Pray? Yeah right.

It's been a while that I prayed though. I have not been reading my bible either. Fellowship is all that ensures that I do that. I hardly even listen when am there.

Darlyn, I had a fearful dream today! I think I am not on the right track! I need help but I cant seem to get it. The dream was about heaven. I didn't see myself there , I was in between and had the chance to go there but didn't till I woke up!

Told CD about it and she told me that there wasn't anything to fear. She said I wasn't committing adultery or fornication. It can only be that if it is with a man! Yeah! How so right.

I didn't travel for the break this time. I still had some money with me and since we just had two weeks break , I thought it wise to stay back. David went home though and promised to bring some more money for me. I like David's girlfriend- Gina. She is so beautiful especially her back side! Hmmm.

David seems to be happy without any church gist or life! He simply believes in being good to everyone.

CD didn't go home too and we had so much fun!

I told CD about Nicholas- the fellowship coordinator that asked to date me. She laughed for so long and told me how that Nicky is the greatest womanizer she had ever met. He had asked her out before when they were in 100 level and he was the 4th guy that dumped her. He got another pregnant some few years before and the whole thing had died down such that no one knew in the fellowship except some very few (but not the ones that appointed him coordinator). He told me that since he was graduating this session, he probably is looking for someone to deceive!

Darlyn, I think church is full of sicker people than I thought existed in the world! To think one may find it so difficult to believe at times. I guess am not doing badly then!

Handing over ceremony! Jessica and Teresa were made executives. They made me CD's assistance. CD was so glad. She would be handing over finally next year when she would be done with school. I would miss her a lot then!

That night we had so much fun till so late in the night.

My room mates have been wondering why I hardly stay in the room these days and I told them I had to be with CD to learn music. Good excuse I guess.

Jessica thinks there is something I ain't telling but she can not place it yet. Hmmm. Who is telling anything?!

My 21st birthday, Daryln! I got a gift from CD. Guess?!!!!!!!! A dildo! Yet again , I hear you say! She also gave me a book written by a lesbian minister in the UK. Wow! It is not wrong to be who or what one wanna! That night, CD and I used the dildo till the point we both knew that we were very tired. This same dildo put me in so much trouble years back. This one is purple! That one was red!

Mum came visiting today and Teresa brought her to CD's room. She left the next day. I miss CD so much that night. CD is just wow! She does it so well. Mum gave me a bible today! She said it was my birthday gift from her. A bible from mum? UNBELIEVABLE! Why didn't she bring it all these while? You know I feel sorry for her and dad though because their little daughter isn't all that they want or expect. Mum said she now wants me to love the Lord and I told her I already did since I got here. She was glad! She asked if I was seeing anyone yet and I told her none at the moment.

Menstrual cramps! Arrgh!

CD's birthday is two weeks. I ain't got any money to buy her gifts. I had to buy alot of books this time. My lectures said that is just the tip! Who asked me to study law? Just who?

Exams....

400 level in few weeks! Now, I guess I am almost done? Right. Darlyn!

I am so devastated right now! News has it that CD died on the way to her folks' house today! What? Noooooooooooooooo . The driver was under t he influence of alcohol.

Still mourning her. I want to wake up from this dream now! I cant even think well.. It was just ok this happened after exams . How am I to survive this?

Darlyn, why do all the people who wants to help me or are nice to me have to be unfortunate? Life sucks!

At home. I am still so sad. How will school be next session. CD was to graduate!!!!!

Oh ,I need to be consoled! The tears keep coming. Of what use is this dildo now? No one does it like CD would + I haven't even used this on any of the other girls.

* Now this dealt her a big blow. She never really came out of this one. Do you know depression?*

Awemoreborelanlay
Day 8.

Anne Frank...(7)

Steven is a liar, Darlyn. A big one too! That lady that came last year is his fiancee! He was even crying as he told me. How that he loves me but have known her since high school days. I know he is just saying all these things because he will be leaving school soon. Why didn't he tell me all that all this time that I had been cooking for him and all that? We even kissed a few times and asked for forgiveness! Men are just wicked ,people. My room mates warned me.

I am so sad. I thought he was going to ask me to marry him after my law school. It is just about 4 years from now minus any ASUU strike! Guess I have too be strong then. Strong for me. After all, he didn't ask me out officially. I was the fool here!

Lectures ... I have loads to read and catch up with too.

I still miss Steve. He would be done with Uni. soon.

Fellowship was cool today as usual.

I fasted for the very first time today! Was done at about 6pm though.

The choir director has asked me to learn the verse 2 of Now behold the Lamb. I hope I can go on such high pitch though. She thinks I can.

I am going to take the song in fellowship today. Plus we are preparing for a concert as well. In few weeks though.

More choir rehearsals... Helping me get busy and am trying to forget Steve.

Send off party for the outgoing people. Fun ,laughter ,tears etc.

I wont forgive Steve! Never will! That lady came too!

I think it is not right to hold stuff against people though. That message at fellowship today really helped but it is hard.

Exams are here,Darlyn. I have to be off here for a while. I have loads to catch up with.


I missed you, Darlyn! I have one last paper tomorrow. Nothing has been happening except exams and all. Fellowship has reduced their activities because of exams.

Jessica went home briefly today . She said she will be back in two days. Her next paper is then. Teresa and I miss her though.

David is done with his exams too! He wants us to go home as soon as I finish. I couldn't agree more . I miss home. Funny enough...

There is this guy down my street. We met today when I went out to buy stuff. His name? I didn't ask.

School resumes in three weeks. Looking forward to it. Hope to meet newer friends.

I found out his name today. Peter! He is David's friend from way back. David never told me though. I thought I knew all his friends. I don't like Peter. He seems to know everything about everything! Is he proud? Well, I don't care.

Back to school. Welcome here, Darlyn!

My birthday! Few friends came around. I asked someone to bake me a cake. It was cool though. I had fun.

-------------------------------------------
December 2000. Aunty Jane is here! She has changed and all. She know wears make up and even trousers! Wonders shall never cease indeed! She is staying with me. But trust me, I wont even have her come near me one inch this time!


Like I guessed. She came later in the night. I pushed her away. She threatened telling mum all that we have been up to before and I told her it wont work. Told her they all knew about ''her gift''! I am not that little girl anymore!

I slept in the sitting room the next night.

I will tell mum today if she disturbs me again!

I feel horny today you know... Maybe one night of indulgence wont be a bad idea.
I woke her up and we started on it .

Darlyn, I feel it is really wrong but I enjoy it! I feel the need for it .

We did it every other night till I returned to school...

Hmmmm.

Awemoreborelanlay
Day 7

Anne Frank... (6)

Year six of Anne Frank's diaries, :-) and yeah, you wont be too far from the truth.

She writes...

Today at the fellowship was simply awesome. Being a christian is not anywhere near boring as most people think .

Darlyn, guess what? I think I like that brother Steven ,you know. Hmmm. More gist later.

Today, I spoke in tongues! Besides ,I am almost a year at this christian thingy you know. Hmmm. I am loving it though I feel at times I should be attending some of those parties in town like the other girls. Jessica says it is not right to join them. Teresa thinks so too.

Jessica told me a lot of things about her and how she had been naughty in the past. Darlyn, everyone I know seem to have their past,you know? I aint telling her mine, or at least not yet.
I joined the choir today.

Sister Kate said I will have to attend the Sunday school classes and other worker's stuff to really be on. I am ready to do all that there is . I think singing is something cool to do. The pastor said we have to have a gift to be a blessing to the Lord and His people.

School work has not begun fully. 200level law. I have quite a lot to read . Or so the lecturers keeping saying. I just try my best. I have lost a lot in this life to waste any time!

Dad came to school today. Menstrual cramps. What a day!

Brother Steven visited us in our room today. Hmm. I couldn't talk much with him though cos the pains still lingers. He said he would check in again tomorrow. Looking forward to it!

After that visit the other day, Steven and I see each other every other day. Whether there was a need for it or not.

Darlyn, I think Steven will propose to me soon.

A lady came to visit him today. She isn't a student of our Univ. but Steven went away with her for so long. He will have to explain to me when he returns!

Steven wouldn't discuss the lady with me. I cook for him every other day or he comes over to eat at our room. Jessica and Teresa think it is a bad idea. I don't care what they think.

December already? Now those exam results had better come out better than last semester's...

Home! David and I got home by ourselves! Wow! I think I miss my room and yeah missing writing in you here too.

Steven? He just fills my mind. What a second? Am I falling in love with some man? After I swore I wont? Well, guess he is different from the other men.

I will be returning to school on the 3rd of January. I cant wait to see Steven again. He sent me a mail today. I didn't reply because he just sent a line to say hi! What was I to say to that ,Darlyn?

Mum wanted to know if I was seeing any guy. I told her no. She is now calmer these days and willing to believe what I tell her. I still aint free to share stuff with her though. She appears a stranger each passing year.
Where was she when that ugly looking doctor raped me the other day? I just hate her and dad for everything that has happened to me in this life!

* End of diary 6... I guess*

Awemoreborelanlay
Day 6

Anne Frank ...(5)

Anne Frank continues...

Like I wrote in part 4, she didn't write in Daryln as before. Reason? I guess she was more engrossed in trying to get back her life- school and all that.

But she managed to write a few in this part...

I passed my exams and am looking forward to univ. Darlyn,I guess those lesson teachers really did their best! Me too,u know? It was so heard. David and I will be going soon. What is univ like? I am so curious ! And yeah, looking forward to having my freedom big time.
I do hope the people there are nice.

Mum has been all over this city shopping for for David and I. Dad? It has been a week since I saw him in the house. He said he had to be in Abuja for the whole time. Hmm! Money making dad and trouble making mum!

It is nearly two weeks to our resumption at the Univ. I am nervous...

One week...

Three days...

Two days...

Today ,we arrived at school at about 4pm! Wow! Mr room mates are cool people. I have just two of them - so we are three in our room. I do hope I will like them...
Their names are Jessica and Teresa.

Darlyn, Jessica was praying overnight. And shouting at the top of her voice! Must she? I couldn't sleep the whole time!

Teresa is cool though she prays too but not as loud. Guess she is more considerate.

We all went out today. They helped me with my registration and helped me get along with the univ. David is getting on with his room mates too!

Darlyn,I am excited once again! Life is better now. Away from home, mum and everyone one on my case!

Jessica invited me to her fellowship today. Ok place. Though they spoke in some strange language I had never heard before. Jessica said with time I will understand. Without being taught? Hmmm.

It has been about three months into my being here and I see alot of funny dressed girls on campus. Jessica thinks it is wrong. And Teresa too. I am trying to be good though. I think Jessica and Teresa's fellowship is helping me think that way.

I miss the girls from way back in high school but I cant seem to tell anyone about it here.

Today, I came out when the call to be a Christian came! I feel light somehow...

I still feel the same way,Daryln.

Jessica bought me a bible today! trying to read from the new testament. I enjoy reading about Jesus and all the wonderful miracles they said he did in there! Wow!

Daryln,it has been class,fellowship,cooking and meeting more friends! I am having fun.

Mum came visiting today. She said dad will come soon.

Come 1999

ASUU strike...

I have been home since 6months!

*I guess this was in 1999 - for those of us who were in Univ at the time ,we will recall that 6months ASUU thingy. Anne was in her 200level at the time or rather was to be once the strike ends.*

*The diary gets more interesting here,I tell you...*

Awemoreborelanlay.
Day 5.

Anne Frank ...(4)

Anne Frank lost about five years of her life to a certain illness that can be simply described as diabolical. According to her,she was so ill that alot of times,she was said to have been pronounced dead. - Awemoreborelanlay

Darlyn, Anne has been sick ...1993
She is still sick and the doctors don't seem to know what is wrong with her... 1994
Still sick,I guess u miss her... 1995
Sick still ... 1996
SICK! ... 1997 -- - ---- --David, in her diary.

She picked Darlyn again and wrote in it after these periods. By my calculation,she was about 17 years old at the time and was in her final year in the secondary school. But that was not to be as she had to repeat the classes that she had missed in those years. This mean feat sank her into a depressed state,I figured from her explanations to me and from her diary. Awemoreborelanlay.

She writes...
Daryln, I have lost so much time in this life ,you know? I am so sad now and I wonder what I will be doing with my life. School! Mum and dad says I can write JAMB! When that evil illness came and took me away. That doctor that took out that candle is so bad . I all the more hate men ! They just irritate me. I will never get married to anyone of them. They all suck!

Today,mum told me that she was sorry for all that she had done to me in the past. Not believing me and all that. Well,I told her it was ok. She wants us to be best friends now. Darlyn,I think she is feeling sorry for me because I have to go back five years...

Mum bought the form for me today. My private lesson teachers have increased. Just so that I will pass the exams. WAEC is there too. Darlyn,quite a lot of exams for me these days. Hmmm. I really need to though,there is so much to catch up with . David is SS2 and would be writing the exams with me too. Now,we have to be in the same class if I pass. David still reads you,Darlyn.

Lessons,study,school,and more lessons... life sucks!


Perhaps it wont be too far from the truth to say these served as periods of sobriety for Anne. She didn't indulge in all those vices anymore. She was more interested in getting her life back. Besides, the addiction had been quelled by the years she stayed admitted in the various hospitals.

Anne didn't pass all her papers in the WAEC exams but she passed her JAMB but couldn't gain admission to the university because Mathematics was part of the subjects she would require for it. Again, Anne had to stay one more year at home...

Sadly too, she didn't write much in her diary either. She just cramped up all the more. She simply sank into more depression. But I tell you,this lady is so determined to get the best from school. Somehow,she hasn't lost it in the face of all that she is going through. My judgment, though.

Day 4
Awemoreborelanlay

Anne Frank ...(3)

Anne Frank stopped putting the dates in her diary.

Darlyn, today I missed aunt Jane's gift. I still hurt from mum's whip the previous weeks. I didn't buy the gift for me,it was aunt Jane who bought it but no one seems to believe me. I used my hands instead. It didn't really do what I want it to.

I resumed at school again to day but still missing the gift. I told some of the other girls and they told me to use candles. What if it breaks! Well, I have to be careful, they warned.

Tried the candles but they didn't work as I would want them to. Darlyn, if the candles break, I will be in trouble.

Everyday, this is what I do with the candles. I use them when I feel I am missing the gift from Aunt Jane. Life has not been the same since that gift from her. Mum still thinks am a bad girl. Dad also thinks I am bad. I don’t really care anymore. Isn’t everyone bad too?

School ,school. Daryln,I would be in Jss three soon and 12 too! Soon, mum wont be able to tell me what and what not to do. Just when I get to the university. I will be on my own and do all that there is to do. The girls in school have grown to about 30 and they all are doing ok.

One of the girls was raped today by another boy in the science class. I hate boys,Daryln. They delight in doing bad things to us girls. Imagine what that uncle did to me too! I think Aunt Jane is right to say that it was good to be with girls only. She didn't like her husband too. After all,he slept on her and made noise those nights. I will stay with the girls only!

Exams will soon be here again It's been a while and I still use the candles.

Today, I have promised not to have anything to do with the men again. I wont even let my dad hug me again too! I am afraid,upset,sad about everything!

This life isn't so much fun after all.

*Anne Frank fell ill at some point here and didn't write in 'Darlyn' for about three months. She said it was at this point that the candle broke into her privates. The situation was badly handled at home and to make matters worse, the doctor who was to operate on her for its removal,raped her instead. Anne Frank's first major encounter with sex! At the age of 12!* - Awemoreborelanlay.

This is about diary three!

Awemoreborelanlay

Day 4

Anne Frank... (2)

January 1st ,1991. Quite a busy day today for all of us at home. We had guests come around. I didn’t enjoy the noise all over the house but I did though as it took mum off my case. She was busy attending to them. Mum cooks well ,you know and so there was a lot to eat and enjoy from. Diary,I do hope this year gets better than last year. That shouting aunt is still around. She has decided to help me wash my clothes too. I like her for that ,you know I don’t like washing. She is so nice.

2nd ,1991 Dad took us out. The amusement park was so much fun. Candy floss and popcorn was such great stuff. Diary,that aunt bought me sweets at the park too. Her name is aunt Jane. Mum said she is her mother younger brother’s daughter that that uncle is her husband. Could that explain why they sleep on each other at night and make noise? Maybe? Does my dad and mum do that too? Are grown -ups mad people?

3rd ,1991. Today is dad’s birthday and when I asked how old he was,mum said that was rude to ask! Tell me diary,was it rude to ask my dad his age? Paul and Bridget know their dad’s and mum’s age,so why not me? I am so sad. I don’t like my mummy.Maybe she doesn’t like me too.School resumes on Monday but mum says I wont go until the next one. She said we were all going to dad’s village that week. I really don’t want to go to that place,there are a lot of mosquitoes and there is no light too. And there is a bad uncle there too . Remember that one that made mum beat me that time we were there. Just because I ate the food he gave me in his room.
Diary,I wont take you with me this time because mum said we will be putting our things together in one big box. I don’t want her to find you there.
When we return,I will let you know how it went. Ok?
Good night.


12th January ,1991. God! Diary, I missed you so much. The village was so boring. Many old people this time than ever and they were all fussing at me. I don’t like them because they made me wonder if people were that nice. People aren’t nice, right? Only you, diary is nice and Paul and Bridget too. That uncle was there again and this time ,he took me out on a stroll when mummy went to the market with some other people. He took me to another friend’s place –and we saw a movie . People were not wearing clothes and doing some of those things that aunt Jane and her husband did in my room. They even screamed like that too. They were so many in that film and I didn’t like it but the uncles seem to like it. As the two of them came closer to me and touched me in my bom bom. I cried and asked my uncle to take me back home. It was painful the way they touched me. Diary, it was in my bom bom place where I wee-wee. I will tell mum.

15th January,1991. I came back from school today. We didn’t talk yesterday,diary. I don’t think I will tell mum again . She will beat me. I will tell Paul and Bridget today at school. That is the driver shouting my name already. See you later today or tomorrow ,my lesson teacher will come today and tomorrow.

18th January,1991 Guess what Bridget told me? I cant believe it. She said she and Paul use to sleep on each other too. I asked her if they made noise when they did and she said yes! Diary,I thought it was only grown-ups. She said they have been doing that since they were eight and ten. Now they are nine and 11 years . Paul repeated the class because he was not serious with school work. Bridget said that their mum an dad had a lot of those kind of movies that I saw in the village. She said they were good for us too. Is it true? Maybe then,because Paul and Bridget are nice to me so I believe them.
When will I get a chance to see the movies in their house? Do you know,diary.

25th January,1991. My bombom still hurts from that village touch. When mum asked me why I walked that way, I told her that I fell in the gutter.I am happy she didn’t beat me this time. She only told me to be careful next time. I almost told her what really happened but I am so afraid.

1st February,1991. I have been sick with malaria ,diary. So sick that mum thought I would die. How can mum that always beat me love me? Hmmm. Dad traveled that whole week and though I feel better now ,I still cant write for long yet.

I am tired . I have been having nightmares since that time. Diary, what do I do? I put you on the table today and went to the kitchen to keep my plates ,and saw him reading it. He wants me to tell him about the movie I saw in the village and all the other things I told you. Today is 8th February

Today,diary I start to share you with my brother. He is eight years old and in primary 4. He promised not to tell mum.

The weekend was so boring,diary. Ok,lemme give you a name today. Do you like Darlyn? Good,I like it too.
Darlyn,I am in primary 6 as you already know and would soon be going on to the secondary school. New school again,right? Exciting!I will be joining some of my classmates for some fund raising for our school library on Monday. I am looking forward to it. Today is Sunday 10th ,1991.
Good night,Darlyn.

Monday,11th What is wrong with aunt Jane? She was shouting to herself at night and she didn't let me sleep well! When are they going to leave our house?! At the fund raising today,we went out to the streets around my school with a form asking people to give any amount. Paul and Bridget were with me in my group and we met many funny looking men who said they liked what we were doing and gave us their house addresses. Bridget seems to know some of them and they even put her on their laps and gave her extra money than the one she put in the form. Bridget buys alot of sweets from the money and she is so nice that she gives me some too. She gives Paul too.

Darlyn,she said some of the men wants to be giving me money too. I think I like that. 15th February,1991.

16thThe fund raising ended today and we are getting ready for our graduation in some few weeks. I wonder what I would be doing at home all that time before I get another school.

18th February Darlyn,secondary would be more fun,right? My brother will come to join me soon too. Bridget and Paul are going to a boarding school. I will miss them yet again but I can meet new friends in the school . I keep making new ones in short periods.

22nd February I haven't seen those films since that time in the village. Those people in those films act like dogs,u know,Darlyn. I don't like it one bit. I really wish I could get you or anyone to explain to me.

10th March,1991. My throat hurts and my head and back aches too ,Darlyn. Mum gave me some sweets. She said I will be better soon.

Darlyn,where have you been all the while? I hid you so far away because of the chicken pox I had. The doctor said it is contagious ,so I had to keep you. I missed my exams to the secondary school because of that and mum said I am a witch. Do witches have chicken pox? If I was one,I would have left this house a long time! I am well now though the spots still appear on my body.They said it will go soon. maybe? I don't care anymore. Today is April 11th ,1991

I got to school . Anther school this time,Darlyn and not the other one. I missed the exam of that one,so mum put me in her friend's secondary school. So,the proprietor is my guardian here and she is always asking me many questions about me.I try to tell her some and not all because she might tell mum.

Easter break. Break from you? No way,Darlyn. I like you. The break was short and there was nothing to it. Had a lot to eat and drink. Aunt Jane's husband came again and this time ,he slept in the living room. I am glad. 14th April

Aunt Jane's husband went away today. Aunt Jane will be here till October. Dad said she has to get some things done. 21st April.

Our integrated science teacher taught us something interesting today. He called it menstruation. He said it happens to us girls only and that blood was going to come out of our bom bom. That doesn't sound like fun! It will hurt,Daryln. I don't want it to happen to me. He talked about the boys too and all that will happen. Funny how the guys wont have that too! Darlyn!!! He said their voices will break in Pub... can't spell that well. I will get it for you later. He talked about wet dreams too. May 8th ,1991

I am learning more about girls and boys,you know. When will our integrated science teacher tell us about the shouting and all that I saw in movies. Yeah, he called it Puberty. He said we on our way to being adults. I am just 11!

Mum thinks am still a child. Though when I do anything wrong ,she thinks am grown.

Excursion begins! We would be going to Ghana! Darlyn,I will miss you. It is going to be 3 weeks away from home. I like it.

By the way, I made friends already on my new school. Alot of them are older and have grown breasts and have their voices cracking already. Where are my own breasts? Didn't Mr. Clark say we should all have it? Some people already think I am flat. It is not fair.

June 5th ,1991 We got some days ago. The excursion? Some of the people in my class are bad people,Darlyn. They were touching themselves in many places I don't like. Didn't the girls know that Mr Clark said they might get pregnant that way? I wont let any boy come near me. NO WAY!
The teachers didn't even know and few of them that did,touched the girls too. Mr Clark came to the excursion too and he was touching some boys. There is so much madness everywhere and am tired. Darlyn, what do I do?

Am crying,Darlyn. Aunt Jane was touching me too much this night. She said my breasts were coming out more and that she wanted to see it . I was shy at first but she started to touch them . Then she went on to my bombom . That hurt somehow and reason for my crying now. Why does everyone like to touch me there? She said I should not tell mum and that if I did,she wont even believe me.July 25th

Darlyn, every night since that first one ,aunt Jane has been touching me...

August 3rd, 1991. She said I wont be pregnant doing this with her.

August 20th. Today she made me touch her too. Her breast are bigger than mine. She is grown,I guess. I don't think it is right. But she said I am a good girl and she helps with my clothes.

I look forward to each night since then.September 14th

Mum almost caught us today. Aunt Jane and I! September 28th

Aunt Jane would be going away soon. Greg and Karen are doing funny things in the toilet. They are my friends in secondary. I got 70% in my English test today. I like my English Language teacher. My Christian Religious Studies teacher talked about heaven today. She said it was a place for good people who are God's children. I know too well ,Darlyn that I wont be going there ,I have been bad but I really want to be good. U know how,Darlyn?

My birthday this year was so funny. Aunt Jane bought me a funny gift. Some long looking object that she called a vibrator. And she doesn't want mum to see it too. Sure,she wont,I wold her. She said it will help me for those times that she was away. Darlyn,I am 11 years old today. Aunt Jane taught how to use it. It felt good.It was painful though. Very. September 17th,1991.

Aunt Jane went away on the 5th of October,1991 She taught me alot of things. I have started to teach Pamela and some other girls too.

11th October. Aunt Jane said it is a girl thing and that the boys were bad people who only gave girls babies. I told them that too. They in turn told many other girls and we became more in the school.


I passed my exams well and dad bought me alot of things too. My brother- David is going to join me soon in secondary! Darlyn,am growing big ,you know. JSS 2 soon! Wow!

Today,something very unusual happened to me. Blood is coming out of my bombom. I didn't know what to do . I ran to Mr Clark in his office and told him. HE was happy for me and said I was a big girl now. He gave me what he called sanitary towel to put it into my pants. I did. It didn't fill ok. He told me to tell mum . He said I have started my menstrual cycle already. That thing I didn't want eventually happened. I want my breast too then. I guess they would come soon. November 7th,1991

Mum bought me more sanitary towels and called me to her room and told me many things about boys. She said I shouldn't let them touch me now because I would get pregnant. She was telling me what I already knew. Aunt Jane's method was really safe then. Mum said I should not go near them for anything. So,I all the more stopped talking and playing with the boys. I wont want them to touch me at all.

Dad got back home late today and mum told her about my menstruation. He was glad and hugged me for so long. I like my dad.

Another one came this month too. I have many sanitary towels to use for it.

Holidays are here again and I will be missing all my friends and play mates. We would be going to the village. That uncle must not come any close this time. I don't want to be pregnant.We went to at Christmas. Darlyn, he had traveled somewhere else this time,so I didn't see him.


29th December,1991 Mum saw the gift aunt Jane gave me and beat me so hard. I told her that it was aunt Jane that gave me but she didn't believe me. She called me many name. Even dad didn't believe me. Aunt Jane used to lead prayers in her church and prayed hard in the morning. So,no one believes me. Darlyn,I know you do and am glad. David believes me too. Two of you at least.

My new year is bad,Darlyn. The gift has been seized and I already feel like it again. The girls are in their houses because school is on holidays.
Happy new year Darlyn,thanks for been there all through the year.


N.B:Please understand that I had to 'modify' her diary while not trying to take away the originality of her stuff. The innocence of this girl child is heartrending!
You also don't want to know how that something in me is sinking in great depression right now. But trust me, I will be fine! :-)

The names mentioned here are fictitious and does not bear resemblance with any persons or group of persons living or dead.

Come Monday for diary 3.


Awemoreborelanlay
Day 3

Anne Frank begins.

''Today, I start to write in this diary. The many things happening to me in this life. '' - Anne Frank.
Wednesday, April 4th, 1990. Mummy said I didn’t behave well today at school. She said I didn’t act my age either and that I still thought I was a kid. Was it not just yesterday she told me that I am a child and was not to get that big piece of meat! I really don’t get it. Maybe, when my birthday comes, she will give me another reason why I wont eat that kind of big meat. Just maybe. That lesson teacher is so disturbing. I don’t like arithmetic and I doubt if I ever will. Here he comes, I have to go, diary. Talk to you tomorrow. The day ends when that lesson teacher comes!!

Thursday, April 5th, 1990. I like my new pair of socks. So white and I am sure it will bring some attention to me today. Susan will want her mum to buy her new ones too. Dairy, I wasn’t to wear those socks today, mum didn’t know I wore it because I put it in my bag and wore it on the way to school. She thought I still had the old one. She told me to behave my age yesterday and that is what I am doing. I should be able to wear my socks when I feel like it. By now, I wash my socks myself am happy! Like I thought, Susan told her mum to buy her socks too. That girl! She likes my kind of things. I went with her to her house today after school. My driver didn’t come and when he did, and looked everywhere for me and didn’t find me, he went home. Only to return with mum to find me waiting. Mummy blamed him that he didn’t find me and they took me home. I was lucky to escape that. Diary, back at Susan’s house wasn’t a good gist though. How was I to explain to anyone that that uncle that lives near Susan’s house wanted me to come with him. I really don’t know why he wanted me to come to his house but something tells me that it isn’t a good idea. Yeah, that reminds me, last year when we went to the village for Christmas, another uncle of my uncle’s wife’s brother wanted me to come with him to his house. I had gone with him already and was still eating the food he gave me when mum came to get me there. And she beat me so much that day that I knew I wasn’t going to ever tell her about this one again or another! Why would only uncles want you to come with them? The aunties don’t seem to care. Diary, maybe, uncles are nicer than aunties? Maybe. So, that was how today went. That uncle in my village was touching my hair as I ate. WHy? Dad doesn't do that or mum!

Friday, April 6th, 1990. Susan thinks that uncle near her house is nice too and she wants me to come with her today to see him. She told me that he brought her many sweets and biscuits. I never got as many biscuits as I wanted and when I asked dad, mum won’t let him buy them. So, maybe that uncle could help with that. Susan said I didn’t have to tell anyone when that uncle gives me those things. I won’t. So, after school hours, we went to the uncle’s place. He was so happy to see us. He brought out many nice things- sweets, biscuits and chocolates! I knew this uncle will be my favorite for long! Wow! We had to leave early today because I didn’t want the driver to come waiting for too long. So, I went home and when mum checked my bag and found those things, she asked how and where I got them but I didn’t say anything and she beat me.

Saturday, April 7th 1990 I was so sick that I was in bed all day. Diary, I want to go away from my house! It is so somehow here. I get beaten for taking sweets again? Anyway, I don’t have anything to say today. I am not feeling well.

Monday,April 9th 1990 Am sorry, diary, I didn’t tell you anything yesterday. I was still ill. Nothing happened. Only that mum kept saying a lot of things I didn’t like and she was still asking who it was that I stole the sweets from.Even today, I had to pretend I was better so as to go to school to see that uncle and eat a lot of sweets. This time, I won’t take too much so that mummy won’t check my bag and beat me again. Susan was not happy at school today, I asked her why and she took me to the back of the class room and told me. She said that that uncle was a bad uncle. Bad uncle? I asked her. I don’t understand Susan, diary. She promised telling me more tomorrow. But all through the night, that was what I thought about. I was really sad that we didn’t go to the uncle today, I really wanted sweets! Mummy searched my bag and found nothing. She said that the people I stole from had kept their stuff well today! I went to bed very sad.

Tuesday, April 10th 1990 Susan told me that that uncle was touching her in different parts of her body. I still don’t get it. Maybe, he wanted to give her sweets. I wanted Susan to talk us there. But she said her mum told her that when an uncle or any man touched her that she was going to have a baby. A baby? Diary, can Susan have a baby now that mum still calls us babies? I don’t get the whole thing. Where did he touch her? Even Susan couldn’t tell me. She told me that she has stopped going there and would want me to do the same. I didn’t have a choice as it was her that took me there. I really miss the sweets. A lot too.

Wednesday. Mum told me early this morning that I would change my school . I am glad and sad at the same time. Because I would meet many new friends and sad because I would miss my best friend,Susan.I think I would meet another nice uncle and eat a lot of sweets. Right, diary?.
Exams! I have to study hard, mum said so that I can get the transfer to the school she wanted for me. Diary, I have to keep you somewhere for a long while. I will let you know how the whole thing went later.

August 25th 1990 Today is Saturday! Well, I missed you so much diary. Did u miss me too? . Me? I am looking forward to school in two weeks. I would meet new people too. I miss Susan and I still hope to find out what that uncle did to her.But she just wont make me understand. She looked so sad that day.

Monday10th September, 1990. Few days to my birthday, diary! I hope they remember my birthday this year. I went to my new school and my friends didn’t like me. I don’t like them either. I want my new school back. Mum won’t let me choose my school. I am not sure I like my mummy! Even daddy is just there. I feel this house is just too boring for me to like. The uncles and aunties here are just too wicked.

Tuesday 11th September, 1990. I made a new friend today because I shared my biscuits with him. His name is Paul. Paul is nice to me and he showed me round the school and I was happy. I like Paul, diary. He is my first friend in my new school.

Wednesday 12th September, 1990. I made more friends. It was Paul that helped me make them. I like them too- David, Sarah, Bridget, Eunice and Margret. I like Sarah- she makes all of us laugh so much. I am beginning to like my new school and friends too! It didn’t matter how long I stayed at home, I always wanted to be with my friends in school.

Yippee,today is the 14th, and I cant wait for my birthday to be here. I think ten years is a good age to be big indeed. Right,diary? Mum said I would take some sweets to my school and cakes too. Last year was so bad because my cake fell on the way to school. I cried so much that day. Mum beat me when I got home that day. Was it not my cake that got broken? I don't like my mum,diary. I am so sure now. She beats me a lot! I like you diary instead, though you cant talk back to me ,you are here to listen. My birthday is comingggggggggg. Goodnight.

Mum bought my cake today from that cake shop down the road. Today is Sunday .
Yesterday ,she bought the sweets that I would take to school. Daddy said he would buy me a new dress but he hasn't. I will wait till the end of today for the magic he wants to do. Dad is too busy to have my time while mum is too much on my case. I wish it was different. Diary,am glad you are here..

Monday,17th September,1990. I am ten years old today! I have come to tell you that first,diary. I am thinking of giving you a name. I would soon. I want us to be closer. That is mum yelling early already at something I didn't do right. Even my birthday isn't spared?! I do hope today goes well,diary. It has started on a bad note. Talk to you later.

Today at school was ok. Everyone said my cake tasted nice. Paul and Bridget are so nice. They are brother and sister and they told me stories of how their mum and dad take them out every weekends. I asked Bridget if she had any wicked uncle or aunt and she said no. I guess wicked aunties and uncles are only meant for me. I asked if I could come leave in their house and they said my mum wont let me. I know they are right. Happy birthday to me. Dad said he loves me. I don't believe him.

Dear diary, I want to take a break from you today and will be back in December. Long? Yes, I have some people who have come to live here with me in my room and mum and dad said they will be here for that long. I wont be able to talk to you like I would want to. So till they go,I will try and keep records of all that happened to me. Ok?
Today is 30th September.

Diary, am so sad. I had to come to you quickly and bring you with me to the toilet. The uncle and aunt that have come to stay with me in my room are bad people. They are doing some funny things to themselves and they disturb me very night. The sounds they make is so loud and disturbing. What do they do? I don't know and cant explain ...Ok,yes. I can explain a little. The uncle stays on top of the aunt and they just shout! My bed is so big and can take all of us but the sound is so loud. I can't tell mum ,she wont believe me. Why would they be so loud .Why would they not sleep side by side instead of disturbing me at night. And when I look,they shout even more but that shout is louder than the one they make when they are together. I am sad. I don't understand alot of things and I cant ask anyone. Good! I will ask Paul and Bridget when I get to see them soon.
Today is December 20th,1990.

Happy new year to you ,diary. That uncle has left now and the aunty is still there. She has started to be nice to me. She said I am beautiful. Today is 31st December ,1990.



N.B: The names mentioned here are fictitious and does not bear resemblance with any persons or group of persons living or dead.
Awemoreborelanlay
Day 2.

Let's call it ,''The Diary of Anne Frank''.

Have you ever had access to someone's diary? Well,maybe a few of us nosy parkers. I got quite interested in seemingly intriguing folks while growing up,so I would comb their drawers in search of that little secret and your guess is as good as mine, I got caught a couple of times. Miraculously, as the years rolled by, you could almost write my death sentence and address to the assassin and ask me to deliver it without me wanting to check through! I just lost the ''zeal''. If it wasn't addressed to me, I wont open it. Guess that had to do with the fact that I have come to understand that we all have our little (and BIG) secrets too! Truthfully though, with people that I care so much about,I tend to find myself desiring to be a part of their everything. I try...I don't push it!

But the gist of this day is about one that is seeking or rather has sought my permission to read her business! Her diary,I mean. I kid you not,people. I talk to you about a diary that bears some of the most amazing,silliest,craziest,dirtiest secrets of this young lady in just 29 years of her life! Invitation to poke?! Wonders will never cease. I should have simply waited till now those years that I fought to read other people's stuff!

''Awemoreborelanlay is my friend on Facebook. Though we have never met, I want her to write my story. Would you bring her to have my diary read and written in her style? I think I like that gal's attitude to writing and stuff. I think she is mad enough to handle 'me' story' - her words to her brother as I was told.

I was contracted and contacted! And, I agreed...

Now, did I hear those who know Omobolanle say,''it is only Awemoreborelanlay that could have agreed to that kinda arrangement!'' *Laughing out loud*! You bet!

She doesn't live in Lagos,so I had planned a visit to see her. Luckily,it was the same week I was to be out of Lagos!

It was easy locating the address her brother gave me... And so with the cloak of Awemoreborelanlay on, I was at her bedside.

She had asked to be taken home and also expressed how that she would want to die in her room- yeah! hER room. Where she had written from over the years. Her room where she had cried from over the years. Yes,indeed where she had laughed so hard and loud and said all those things to herself. It was this same room that for 29 years that she had dreamed those dreams and thought that they would come to pass.
Shush...this same room had also housed her doubts! How can these things be? She had truthfully always doubted! It is safer to come in terms with that bitter truth now ,after all,life was ebbing out slowly and surely...

I have gone and come back with the ''trailer '' load of diaries and in the weeks that will follow, I shall be sharing with you ,''The Diary of Anne Frank.''