Anne Frank ... (12)

The diaries end here..! Are you ready for this?

Anne Frank writes.

March 10th , 2005.
Result of pap smear says I have carcinoma in situ, similar to severe dysplasia, true cancer!Cervical cancer?! Now that colposcopy sucks! Tired of taking pain killers after each one. All these fruitless things. Dad doesn't seem to know how to spend his money.

What is happening to me, Lord?

Now I know for real how cruel this life truly is. Just when my business is starting?! Of all these medical conditions, what I don't understand is how I have to be the only one this ill?!

April , 2005.
Just barely 6 months to my 25th birthday! Who is going to marry me with all these complications in my life? Just who?

Mum is not feeling well. Dad is not in town! Dave is expected back soon. Some relief , I guess.

September , 2005.
My birthday in a few days.

Went for another Pap Smear in another hospital, this one said I have cancer in my cervix for real. Is that supposed to be a birthday gift? Is God punishing me for wrongs done in the past?
...

My birthday. In hospital! I don't feel sick yet though. Dad just thinks I need more attention than ever.

October 5th, 2005.
Peter came visiting today. At the hospital though. He came home briefly. No one has said anything to him about my true condition. Dad said I had malaria! I wish!

November, 2005.
I still don't know why they said I have cancer. I feel ok.

Business

David is here! I told him. We cried together for so long. People die when they have cancer! Dont they, Darlyn?

January ,2006.
Peter asked to marry me. What? Is it because he comes around to see me? I dont want any entanglement right now or ever. I have more than enough to contend with already!

March , 2006.Dad thinks I am ripe for marriage. Hmmm. With all these cervical abnormalities? Hardly!

April, 2006.
Peter still on my case. What part of no does he not understand?!

Dubai, London and then back home!

Wow! What a long travel that was. Hi Darlyn!!!


Happy birthday to me. 17/09/2006. 26!

I feel really sick now.

December met me in the hospital! ( literally).

August 2007.
They said I fell into coma all those months! Why didn't they just bury me? Phew!

I went to church today at Peter's invite. I can almost swear that I have seen that pastor before but I am not sure where? Uni., maybe?...

Yeah! I remember him. The fellowship coordinator way back in school! He now pastors, hmmm?

November 2007.
I said yes to Peter's proposal.

David thinks I made a good choice. As for me? I don't love him. What is love anyway? I am not sure and time isn't on my side to find that out.

February 2008.
Formal Introduction to Peter! Mum said I will be fine with him. Dad thinks so too.

As for me, hm mm.

Date fixed for the D - day! I didn't know I was going to marry Peter after all!

The cancer is growing and my menstrual flow gets heavier and more uncomfortable!

Smelly discharges too!

Today, the 25th of July, 2008, I married a man I don't have any feelings for and who is totally unaware of what he is about to go into! Registry...

Darlyn, first sex experience that I consented to. Willingly. ! Hmmm.

Honeymoon was short. Darlyn had shocking news to tell...

He is HIV positive. He told me of his past life and all that he had done. How he even raped a few times. Yeah, I am married to a former cultist!

August 2008.
Good reason to tell him mine , right? I hope he can handle it.

September 2008.
Sex. Sex. Doesn't Peter know about any other thing.

Routine sex... now , I am bored! Hmph!

I am contemplating undergoing a radical hysterectomy in London as advised. Especially if I want to stay around here some more. 50-50 % chance of survival, they said.

Today , I am 28 and somehow , this one is kinda reflective. How has my life been?

November , 2008.
I told Peter everything. I mean ALL! He wept like a baby. Am sad, Darlyn.

His parents are here!!!!

January 2009.
Peter 's mum came to our house and asked me to leave! I thought I was dreaming but I have been back to my father's place since two weeks! Peter isn't doing anything about it. Mum blamed me for telling him.

March 2009.
I signed the divorce papers. H mm. Just any more push, and I will lose my mind completely. I didn't love this man but I feel the loss of one who is not 'useful!'

Face book fever at its peak! I just cant get enough. To think I joined long before now. Worth indulging at these times too. My hysterectomy draws near.

Lord, take me should I die. Let me meet you in paradise. Here has been so tiring.

*David takes over from here *

April 2009
This time I doubt if Anne is going to come back from this one. The operation will hold in a few weeks.

Anne wishes to have this diary published. She is so sick. I hate to bring the news again!

*Anne writes...

Today, I leave the shores of Nigeria for the hysterectomy.Mum and dad are coming too. David can not. I am leaving you with Dave, Darlyn. Should I return, remember I love you and thank you for being there all these years.

*She writes her (perhaps) the first set of diaries in the laptop. Where she constantly 'face books' Permit me to write in caps.*

I WANT ALL THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE HURT ME TO KNOW THAT I FORGIVE THEM AND RELEASE THEM AS I INTEND TO FIND FREEDOM FOR MY SOUL TOO. METHINKS MOST OF WHAT I SUFFER AT THE MOMENT IS MORE PSYCHOLOGICAL THAN ANYTHING ELSE THE DOCTORS THINK! MUM, DAD, AUNT JANE, EVERYONE...! AND YEAH, MYSELF. 10: 30 am, May 14, 2009. Darlyn, I will miss you.

Dave writes...
She returns tomorrow, Darlyn. June , 2009.

Anne writes...
Operation performed. I feel so empty within. July, 2009.I just sleep and do little reading.

My flow is still so heavy.

David writes...

She bleeds severally now. I am losing my sister, Darlyn. July 29, 2009

5th August, 2009. Darlyn will be published by awemoreborelanlay! She agreed to do it! That is Anne wants. She is so pale now , so , so. Losing weight and all...

*She is still bleeding as we speak. The doctors say she may not last the year. Something went wrong with the operation , I guess+ her hubby( former) who is HIV positive! Hmmm.
Now , in case you have been reading or just joining in, I bring to you the DIARIES of one I call , Anne Frank. You have to read from the beginning to appreciate the ills in the world that we live in and ensure that we do our part in reducing them.

...That an adult can be callow and a child can understand adult stuff? Hmmm. An aberration perhaps? Or what damage lies in a child who isn't allowed to grow steady before adult things are exposed to it? Or think about an adult who has lost touch of his childhood just because he has grown! Can anyone learn to write well if he hasn't learnt the alphabets? Foundational issues,hun? ... - excerpts from my one my recent thoughts and as I come to the end of the diaries, this thought are so prominent YET AGAIN!

CHECKMATE, yo' all! You and I are the change we seek! And yes, Jesus is the answer for the world today.

Awemoreborelanlay
Final day ( on Anne Frank's dairies, that it. )