Wednesday, March 25, 2009

When you have what you want,will you(still)want what you have?


''...FOR I HAVE LEARNED HOW TO GET ALONG HAPPILY WHETHER I HAVE MUCH OR LITTLE .I KNOW HOW TO LIVE ON ALMOST NOTHING OR WITH EVERYTHING. I HAVE LEARNED THE SECRET OF CONTENTMENT IN EVERY SITUATION,WHETHER IT BE A FULL STOMACH OR HUNGER,PLENTY OR WANT..'' - Saint Paul.




Have I mentioned to you before about me hosting moi on talk shows? *giggling* I mean the ones I host with me in my room?! Now please find below excerpts of the talk shows I hosted ,this time with Kurt D.Burner.- Author of books like ,'' Your Heritage: How to be intentional about the Legacy you Leave ,The Family Compass,Finding God in the Lord of the Rings etc.






*Kurt is currently Pastor of Spiritual Formation at Lake Pointe Church in the Dallas area, and E-To you my friend today, even if you may go away tomorrow,I thank you for staying true.I do not know if you would still be here today, but I am grateful that you are here today and to you I celebrate even T.O.D.A.Y!xecutive Director of the StrongFamilies Innovation Alliance. He served as Group Vice President over Media for Focus on the Family where he led the teams creating films, magazines, books and radio drama such as Adventures in Odyssey and The Chronicles of Narnia. Kurt is a best-selling author of books with combined sales of over 700,000 copies including Your Heritage, Finding God in the Lord of the Rings and The Family Night Tool Chest series. Kurt and wife Olivia have been married since 1985 and have three(now four as at time of this post) children. Kurt is co-founder and executive editor of The Heritage Builders Association, a ministry that motivates and equips parents to become intentional about passing a strong heritage to the next generation. ( Thanks to The Center for Strong Families© for this additional information).




Though I have never seen him before, but read stuff(s)he wrote and in my reading from him, I kinda assumed that I have seen him before! I just seem to connect with writers in that manner. So if it is by my thoughts, then I have met him before! LOads have taken place in my mind,people! There aint no limitations here ! ANd what's more? It is absolutely F.R.E.E. to D.R.E.A.M.!




So, I had him on my show after reading a very profound note he wrote in the Parents Resource Bible. Now this is basically like this,: Imagine me having him come talk to 'us' on my show, about Learning to be Content and then my add with the topic,''when you have what you want, will you (still)want what you have?... still on the contentment thingy! I do hope this makes sense to you as it did me and it has not stopped to be blessing to me since then!




*This is one of my oldest talk shows since the gift of salvation* (wink)




''Nothing in this life can bring a greater sense of joy and fulfilment than your family.At the same time,however,family life can be filled with the disappointments of unmet expectations.When the flame of romance dies,marriage becomes less than exciting. When the kids rebel,parental pride sours into the pain of rejection. When Dad's office hours increase and Mom's pile of laundry grows ,the joys of companionship are overshadowed by the pressures of modern living. Disappointment can quickly replace the sense of satisfaction we desire.




How do we maintain our joy despite unmet expectations? How do we balance the hope of ideal family life with the reality of the daily grind? Is it possible to achieve contentment when our deepest longings are unfulfilled?




The apostle Paul shared some key insights about fulfilment in life regardless of our circumstances. Imprisoned in Rome for the crime of sharing his faith,Paul revealed the secret of contentment. He said that had learned to be content in every situation.He had experienced poverty and eating wealth,going hungry and eating well,the praise of people,and the stones of an angry mob. He had endured both good and bad ,maintaining a deep sense of satisfaction throughout . What was his secret?




First ,Paul did not depend upon other people or circumstances for his satisfaction. The word 'contentment' in this passage comes from a compound word that suggests self -sufficiency. In other words,we can find contentment apart from external factors- primarily due to the sense of purpose and identity we experience in our relationship with God. If we depend on a mate to meet our emotional needs,we will be disappointed no matter how hard he or she tries. If we tie our identity to well -behaved and loving children,we will face disillusionment when they rebel. If our standard of living must reach a certain level before we can be happy,we will never arrive. According to Paul,contentment does not come from such external factors.




Second, Paul said that he had learned to be content in every situation-NOT WITH every situation. There is a vast difference between being fulfilled in spite of circumstances and pretending that the bad things in our life are pleasant. If your marriage is falling apart,seek counselling to improve it.If your chidren misbehave,discipline them.If your job pays too little,seek a better one. Dont confuse contentment with either complacency or denial. Seek to improve your circumstances while not letting them undermine your sense of peace and contentment.




Finally, Paul had confidence that he could endure anything through his dependence on Christ. In this context,we can understand Paul's intended masage: We can cope with any circumstance that comes our way when we are self -sufficient in Christ's sufficiency. We are not able to endure anything,not in our own strength,but in the confidence of our relationship to the Lord. No matter who may hurt us, he will be there to comfort us. Regardless of what may go wrong,He will work good out of it. Despite the disappointment of unmet expectations,He offers us the ability to experience contentment in less than ideal circumstances . We can endure anything through his strength and overcome anything through His provision.




Learned contentment is fundamental to long -term family commitment and fulfilment. Once we find contentment apart from relationships ,our relationships improve. We no longer look to our mate or children to meet the needs but rather seek to meet the needs of others.When we are content regardless of circumstances,circumstances no longer dictate our level of joy. We can then work to improve the bad things without relying upon improvement for our hapiness. Contentment frees us to pursue the best in life with the right motivation and to endure the worst in life with the right attitude.Dont allow the mundane or the frantic to rob you of a joyful family life. Dont let the hope of 'SOMEDAY' distract you from the blessings of TODAY. Trust in the Lord when circumstances dont co-operate with your plans. Learned contentment is the key to satisfaction and success in (family) life'' - Kurt Bruner,M.A.




Meeting with God and learning from Him over the years has been highly phenomenal! He has had to take me through series ,I mean loads of 'trainings' with Him to daily become the me that He had designed from the foundations of the world .All I just needed to do was to co-operate with Him!




Now, people ,it was(and still is) the co- operation part that gets me really failing the tests He puts my way at times! I fail woefully at times and really wonder why He would make me go through that kinda experience when He knew I would fail big at it!




Phew! You can not go ahead to another phase expect you have passed the steps /stages as they come. Challenging or what? You bet! Very very!




I needed help(still do), and I would run to get as much of it that I could get! And thank God for putting Jesus where I can reach Him! I can only leave the frustration of what trying to do it by myself would have been to my imagination!




When you have what you want,will you (still) want what you have?






The day that question came to me some few years back,I knew it was Him asking me yet again! And He sure desired an answer!




I have of course like every child of God should,been asking Him to give me this and that... now here was He asking me what I am gonna do with want He will give me and infact the management of that which I sincerly ask Him for?




I ask for (more) friends, He is asking me this:, when you eventually have them,what are u going to do with them? How are u going to manage them,The ones that you have had before ,how have you been able to really be their friend?




I ask for a TDH- then he said to me, 50(fifty) years from now, is it still the TDH you are gonna still be seeing even after he is bent over and have lost the ''walking tall'' gait that swept you off your feet in the first place? Or the swagger that made you think it was really all about him being tall? When TDH loses his beauty to some accident and the' H' in his TDH becomes a hitch! What then would I do then? Would I still want TDH even then? I mean would I still find contentment in that even when you dont eventually get TDH? hmmm... tough one there! *giggling*




I ask for money? Then the question comes ,' will you be able to manage it when it comes? Will you be able to understand that it is just a means of exchange and that the life that you really live isnt based on the amount of things that you have? WHat if the currency that money is then ceases to flow in my direction for a while, would I still trust God? I mean, would Omobolanle understand that money is just a tool? *deep sigh*






Being content about the now is key! You cant get it or reach it now doesnt mean that you wont get it! The passing phase of this episode of life, is one that would pass! *Stating the obvious you would say*




Living one day at a time is sure an answer to being satisfied and finding fulfilment. Please dont get it twisted, I am not saying that we shoud not plan for tomorrow, I am only saying that living today like it is the last , and that will sure alleviate the challenge of brooding or being dissatisfied about this and that! Being anxious about this and that!




My submission as a ''matter of transparency'':






-To you my friend today, even if you may go away tomorrow,I thank you for staying true.I do not know if you would still be here today, but I am grateful that you are here today and to you I celebrate even T.O.D.A.Y!




-To you my TDH 'today', should you 'hunch' tomorrow or lose your gait, I mean your 'walk tall 'thingy that makes me like what I see, or your demeanour and all that makes you up, I celebrate you today!The you I can see today, reach today, touch today&learn from, I celebrate!




- To you my child(ren) of great destiny, yes,I celebrate the you that is delivered into my hands the day of your deliver(ies)...I celebrate the you today in your babyhood, yes to your teenage rebellion /adolescence to the you that you have been designed to be from the foundations of the world. My child(ren), I celebrate you!




-To the money I have today, I worship the Source for bringing you my way and er... thank myself for giving value in exchange for you. You are a tool, and yes, those crying children would make do with you! * How timely that text message was*...! hmmm... I thank you .. so that tomorrow, when you aint a source of exchange again or when you dont even come to me, or when I cant even use you again because life has gone out of me and I have gone to the realm where we wont be needing you, I would still rejoice in the lives I had used you to bless while this lasted.






Is this some lonely walk? or maybe it sounds like 'therapeutic' for me but this one thing I know,that someone is going to need this some time soon.




Think about the hustling and bustling of life (especially city life) ? It simply suggests to me that we are really trying to make tomorrow better... From the waking up at 4am to working till late in the night! phew! Weekends to public holidays and all! to endless dead(life) lines to target and bla bla! The whole mad rush to make ends meet! The parallel end! Hmmm.






Do you? or er... when you have what you want,will you (still) want what you have? Will contentmet find you per stage or phase in life? Think about it.




Kurt Bruner & Awemoreborelanlay©


March 2001






Am I mad yet?















Sometimes ,I wanna remove my clothes when the tropics unleash its heat venom and walk around naked!
Sometimes I wanna unhook my bra when I feel uncomfy in it.
Sometimes I wanna remove my shoes when it hurts my feet.
Sometimes I want to fart just when it comes on. I mean REALLY LOUDDDDDDDDDDDDD!Sometimes I wanna scream out loud when am in the bathroom especially when the pooh isnt coming out easy!
Sometimes I want to belch very loud when it comes on.Sometimes when am hurt I wanna cry very hard like I wont stop. Sometimes,I wanna laugh a thousand times like it was running out of fashion!Sometimes I envy children when they freely express how they feel ,want and all!Sometimes I wanna cry,whine&stay in bed and sleep some more when the alarm comes on each week day!...
Did I hear you say,'' caution!'' Be quiet! please dont tell me about control ,this is exactly how I feel! and what if I feel comfortably ensconced in this state of mind? Hun?Besides, you think I dont know what you do? Tell me you did not litter the floor with pieces of paper and even defecated in that public place?
Come here you, are you not the guy who did that last night, yeah, by the NEPA pole close to your house? Oh please, dont gimme that look! you know am talking about you,yes you! You complain,grumble ,and bla bla about the government not doing this or that, yet you havent done anything in your little way to contribute to the sanity around you!....
What if I lose the virginity of my thoughts and then still find the courage to say it just as I am doing right here? Truth is , I have lost it& I only wanna guard it!
I am not afraid to apologise or feel sober much later if I repent about this note and the reason(s) behind it but this one thing I know...
-I am beginning to feel that life indeed has the capacity to make one lose the virginity of his thoughts and subsequently,acts!
While in University,I studied a bit of philosophy.And in case I forgot all d bla bla those guys taught me,I wont forget this one. That every child born came into the world with a clean slate''tabula rasa''. Am I right? And that life and all that the child learns,sees,goes through etc makes up what will fill his 'slate.' More like 'feel' his slate for me! lol.
Hmmn... I think this is so true for me. And over the years,at least judging from the innocence of a child in wanting,asking ,giving etc shows that the environment that one grows in really has something 'huge' to do with what one the make up of that child! Talk in terms of value adding or value depreciating as the case may be!. Tell me, how do I really,I mean truly remain sane in a society like ours? Where you will have to look closely on the ground to be sure you arent gonna step on a thick yellowish stuff from some fellow's vocal cavity! arghhh...
This brings to mind a course I was privileged to attend recently.The facilitator mentioned the fact that we all have the capacity to exhibit the wisdom value or the nuisance value. He went on to say that one has to outweigh the other to form what he called,''reputation capital''.So each day,he said,we have the opportunity to display either of these two, and that, he said ,places a value on who we are,what we are,what we are worth and atually the content of our character and contribution to the success or otherwise of a given society (depending on that which we find ourselves). Now in this ''mad- man- cell'',hey ,dont tell me what value you think!...yet!!!!!
*That of course added something rather profound to my slate. It provoked me to be aware of even this state of madness! lol! .I decided then to check what I add per day and ultimately check my self each day and weigh the level of my W or N value! Afterall, the facilitator said the one that outweighes the other defines who one is!* *oouch! *
Back on point...
So I have been thinking...If I want to express my self in all those ways I mentioned above without fear! (or favour if u like)... am stuck again...
but er...
I dont get it... but I am wondering if I lose the virginity of my thoughts and act patterns; would that tag me a misfit? I ask you ,''I am suposed to hide the way I feel about my state of 'madness' per time?'' Right? And pretend all is well around me ,when it really isnt!
And should I feel goose pimples all over my body each time I use the escalator and infact still almost trip off it,I am not supposed to show my shock at that too? I mean ,what if I insist I wanna use the stairs instead of having to feature in that ever- ensuing drama?! Even if it is the 50th floor?
Should I feel out of place if I cry at the sight of a 7 -yr old hawking stuff? Would it be out of place to scream and run to bring her back or get her parents arrested? What if she happens to be someone I know?I mean one who is related? Would it make me feel less human if I cry uncontrollably at that unholy sight?
What about some Homo Sapiens having sex under the bridge? Whatever happened to the dignity of the mind and of the public persona?! Hun?
You still wonder why am mad?How can someone ,I mean just one person embezzle public funds worth over a billion naira?! And you think I am the only one who has gone stark raving mad?
When a single person wanna rule his people for as long as he lives? when he isnt the ancient of days? or is it the talk or the thought of extending a (single)4 year term in office to 6,just so that they might virtually rule for 12 years! Or the sickening fussy situation at the national level of ''same sex filth'' when there are loads of people who are hungry,homeless,restless and in fact have always been ''economically crunched''for so long before it ever became a global crisis?!
*By the way, the demon of homosexuality is neither a male or female...it is a confused entity! *And it doesnt even at this point,deserve the dignity of my detailed mention!Kphsew! *Or some uniformed fellow beating up helpless citizens around town and no one does anything about it?
Tell me, why wont all the (mad) people around there lynch that fellow? Yeah ,I already got the answer. He is armed and it is a case of, 'who will bell the cat?' Methinks,there arnt enough mad people around town yet!!!!!!!!' arrgh... I know I would be this mad for some time until sanity returns! Someday soon...
but ...
er...Would I be certified absolutely crazy if I dont even think this is some attempt at madness? And that I need see some shrink? I mean what kinda wacko fellow do you think I am right now? Well,think well before you answer that,because so long as you are reading this,methinks there must be some loose nuts in your head somewhere!
Lemme ask u yet again, do you think sane peeps would dare buy my book if I write? Maybe some adventurous ones would? Right? To find out what madness goes on in the minds of a few of us! Are there rules guiding the extent to which one may express his madness in writing?Would professionals shun this unprofessionalism? Do I have an audience? Oh sure I think I do. If you are reading this,I dare say that you are an accomplice in this madness thingy ,so I will sure sell.How many copies am I likely to sell? Simple answer. You guys buy one and buy another for your family and friends! Yipee! I have hit a gusher!
Would I go bankrupt the moment I find my sanity?
I mean business ,'mad' people in tryna sell the original contents of my thoughts,the one that has been filled thus far by such and such.
I am so disturbed people because I dont have answers to what I sincerly ask at the moment and I would wanna get answers.
Chief of which is: Am I mad yet?*Someone wanted me to write the trend of my thoughts per time! and here is what you have as at when I did this!...
Tell me sincerly...
how madder can one really get? hun?
written03032009
but posted today!
Awemoreborelanlay







To You©


To you I met
To you I never met
To you I will never meet as long as breath remains.
To you I kn (e)w
To you I never knew
To you I will never know as long as time ticks away.
To you I like(d)
To you I never liked
To you I will never meet to bring about a liking.
To you I loved
To you I never loved
To you I will never love because our paths will never cross.
To you I hugged
To you I never hugged
To you I will never get as close as a handshake.
To you I encouraged
To you I never encouraged
To you proximity would not grant us enough impact for encouragement.
To you I cried with
To you I never cried with
To you unfamiliarity would not let me see you cry.
To you I had in mind when I wrote this
To you I did not have in mind when I wrote this
To you that do not exist in my mind as I write this!
To you I cared for
To you I never cared for
To you who won’t meet to feel care.
To you I walked with
To you I never walked with
To you the path to life’s walkway won’t get us together.
To youI laughed with
To you I did not laugh with
To you who laugh miles away from where I would hear you.
To you...
And yes!
To you WHO WILL READ THIS AND TO YOU WHO WOULD NOT
AND TO YOU WHO WOULD NOT EVER READ THIS!
Awemoreborelanlay©
13032009.
17:25 pm

Re: Felicia's 'F' Factor!

You may call it the ''Awe Factor'' if you like ! *wink*

It's harder than it looks! Copy to your own note, erase my answers, enter yours, and tag twenty people.*Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions.*

They have to be real...nothing made up! If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers.*
You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.*
Make it as interesting and fun as you can.

ENJOY!
1. What is your name : Awemoreborelanlay
2. A four Letter Word : Amen
3. A boy's Name : Austin
4. A girl's Name : Angela
5. An occupation : Astronaut
6. A color : Amber
7. Something you'll wear : Agate
9. A food : Amala *not my favourite though*
10. Something found in the bathroom : Air!
11. A place : Alberiga
12. A reason for being late : Amnesia (lol)
13. Something you'd shout: Aye ...''in favor of it ,say 'aye'... lol! (you ask our law makers!)
14. A movie title : Anaconda
15. Something you drink :Amstel Malta
16. A musical group : Alkaline trio
17. An animal : Anaconda
18. A street name :Adeola Odeku Street ( Victoria Island,Lagos,Nigeria)
19. A type of car :Altima
20. The title of a song : Awesome God* by Kirk Franklin!*

Ok..ok...
My name is Omobolanle! Let's see how that goes...

1. What is your name : Omobolanle
2. A four Letter Word : Omen
3. A boy's Name : Oscar
4. A girl's Name : Oprah
5. An occupation : Optician
6. A color : Orange
7. Something you'll wear : Opal
9. A food : Oatmeal! ( my favourite asides rice!)
10. Something found in the bathroom : Oilsheen
11. A place : Oregon
12. A reason for being late : Overeating! (lol)
13. Something you'd shout: Oops-a-daisy (when a child falls!)
14. A movie title : Oath
15. Something you drink : Orange Juice (ojoro)
16. A musical group : Out of Eden!
17. An animal : Ostrich
18. A street name : Oba Akran Avenue,Ikeja *I dey there now now* (Lagos,Nigeria)
19. A type of car: Opel Meriva
20. The title of a song : One and the Same*by Cece Winans!Phew!

I made it! Now Felicia, I got You! *wink*

An open letter to the paparazzi with a heart!©






























































































Oluwaseun Akisanmi
Elo Photo Studio Lagos(but not limited to Lagos)
Nigeria(but not limited to Nigeria).
14th February,2009.
Dear Sir,

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE PAPARAZZI WITH A HEART.
To the queen of your heart,Ofure Akisanmi. How are you ma?And I do hope you are doing just ok? I write this letter not to you but to the the prince in your life and world,Oluwaseun Akisanmi. I know this will meet you in good health. I think I must take sometime to congratulate you on your superb choice -I mean your decision to have this man as your partner for life! What a wise decision that is,ma'am! I congratulate you indeed and pray that the Lord continue to keep and bless your union. How is Anu? The model par excellence? lol! She is cute.
Sir, like I told ma'am,it is to you that I write this letter. You know,I have met quite alot of people in this life and am sure am not even done with meeting more but each time I get to meet people,I just get simply overwhelmed at the various deposits of God in man!
I write with gratefulness in my heart and joy in it as well. I celebrate the gift of God in you and thank you most sincerly for being used of Him.
As for me, when I take time to celebrate people like this, I do not know if this has to do with my taste of a bit of harshness or hate (if u like) that gets me appreciating every single iota of love shown to me. I understand that when people do or say nice things to me,they have a choice to do otherwise. I guess I have tasted hate enough to see that it sucks!And I really and truly appreciate this one too!
Few days before this day,I had written as part of the 25 random things about me , that I wanted someone to take me on a valentine treat. You know,one of the challenges I have had to face as a spinster is not only the choice of the very heart of God but the desire to do it right each time. Hmmm. I recently told a friend,''...I may be of age but I await a sage!'' lol! Sounds like some rhyme right? But am serious about it. I am enjoying my singlehood that it isnt worth settling for second best! And before I begin to bore you about how boring it really could be at times,I would go on with what I was saying. *I am enjoying every bit of my single hood though, and I intend to give my best while it lasts. Remember u advised I do something about my writing stuff before the babies start coming? Hmmm... I am thinking about how to go about that o. I am positive though. Now talking about that,sir, you need to do something about yours too! You blew my mind with your collections! You are something else sir! Gosh! God is sure a wonder! I will get to that more in a bit.
So ,like I said in that note,I actually wanted a val date. It is a Saturday na and I kinda realised it was going to be another 'roasting' at home spree if I didnt do something fast! You know it would have been easier if it was a week day,I would just pretend that I was working late! I had a plan B though...I wanted to go see my 'son' at the orphanage, I mean going to show him some love on a day like that would be cool. Then I realised I didnt have enough money to buy stuff for him. So I planned to see him some other time. I miss him tho! So,I had planned to go see him even if it meant not giving anything...
Then you asked that I come take pictures! I knew I had to choose today for so many reasons!
1. I wanted to leave the house however way I could! I wasnt gonna stay back and be the only one ''stalking'' there!
2.I was gonna change my hair -do the following week and would wanna use it.
3.I had another appointment the following week.
So,when you asked that I pick a convenient date,I quickly took today! Arrrgh! lol! like a bird released out of its cage!
The rains wont even stop me . I was gonna have fun! And yes, I was gonna whether the storm and just be fine! I owe it to myself to run ,I mean practically run after hapiness in any form and chase away boredom and sadness! I knew the foto sessions would just be fun! A world class paparazzi wanted to take my picture?! What?! Is that cool or what?! I wont let that slip out of my hand . So,whether the weather be dull,whether the weather bring rain,I was gonna get there! ...
Now sir, here is what you did to me by that practical show of love on valentine's day:
1. When you took me those over 100 snap shots :
a.you reminded me that I mattered in the affairs of life.
b. You reminded me of all the pictures of what and who I would become if I just dont stop believing in God and me!
c. You reminded me about all the talkshows that I have had with myself in the comfy of my room and the pictures I saw paparazzis take of me and the mant interview sessions I would host and grant too!
d. You reminded me that I can reach the unreachable and do the impossible!
*...Tears of joy well up in my eyes as I write this to you,sir...even till now that I post it.
I am simply awed by what you have done!
2. When you took my pictures..
a. you kinda affirmed to me that the me that used to wanna be at the background is not doing justice to the gifts of God in me. Though I would wanna let Him lead me every step of the way,I believe that I can!
b. You reminded me that Hope Foundation is sure a hope to the hopeless and that I cant stop just yet!
c. you reminded me of one of the things God told me ,''Dont ever forget thet you are beautiful and you are to be handled with care! but remember to always give the glory back to God!''. 16th April,2008@8am!. If u recall, I told u that I never liked taking pictures of me? All that had to do basically with some battle with low self esteem! I had let all the gabbage and trash life threw my way, get to me! But sir, I walked away from all that... God took me out of that kinda life and U also reminded me ! You may wanna read my stuff titled,''THE WALK THAT WILL HERALD'' I got that download at my last birthday.
d. I saw possiblilties in becoming all that God had in store for me.
e. You reminded me that I shouldnt forget to treat others well!
tHen... you gave me your book to read! Wow! The contents of that book just got me thinking that God must be all that! I mean how else can anyone explain the quantity and more importantly the quality of thoughts that flooded (and still floods) your mind per time? Isnt God just awesome in this life and has equally deemed it fit to download to man? You sir, are one of such! I mean, I was teary eyed each time I went through each page... Oluwaseun lo to!
I will like to stop here now but not before adding this...
In case the list of names you have in the note pad had to do with the people that you have blessed or rather been a blessing to. I want you to include mine too! Because you have simply touched me in a way that I wont forget in a lifetime.
I am gonna tell my kids what manner of blessing that you have been! I am also gonna tell those children that Hope Foundation is gonna affect as well! I will tell them I would have quit at some point but that some man of great destiny encouraged me! Sir, one prayer for you from me,''YOU WILL NEVER LACK GOD'S HELP WHENEVER YOU NEED IT''. This night,I asked God to bless you and it got to a time ,I ran out of what to pray and simply prayed in tongues!I know God heard me,I know He will bless you and make you a blessing indeed!
This is indeed a practical show of love to a sister indeed! God bless you for this sir! Ofure,I thank you too for letting your prince do this!
Oluwa Seun ni to to!
I bow to your destiny!
Fasokun Omobolanle AgnesP
lot 4,Omolara Badaru Street(as long as spinsterhood lasts)
Lagos.
N.B: Oluwaseun Akisanmi's contact please
Mobile: 234 8023008873234 1 8766397
http:// www. eloclients.com
Patronise these guys people,they dont just do photography,they do it with an awesome attitude! Believe me. For any occasion at all!






























































































































































































































Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The pledge through the eyes of a kid!©


The pledge or the bodge?

I ask?

The truth or cackling at the truth?

How can anyone ask me to recite

when it only incites me to reactto the lack of excitement that it brings!

...faithful,loyal&honest?

The other day,dad said to me I now have an official and a biological age.I

dont get it...

He bought ten cars in two months and he is supposed to just be a civil servant?!

He resumes work @11 am and closes even before the creche kids close!

I am not sure I really understand this but as for the bodge oops! I mean the pledge

...ok lemme see...To uphold her honour and glory

Wait a minute,which glory do you talk about?

the one that dad shows cant be restored with his continous ''work-(c)shop'' thingy?

or the one that constantly reminds me that as a youth,

I can only get to lead tomorrow if only the godfathers wants me to

and that amala politics has just been re-branded!

To the godfathers,the youths of tomorrow actually mean the louses of tomorrow

What do you think the whole third time idea is all about?

Hmm...

They never want us to get there!

These days too they take us spelling lessonslike t-r-o-u-n-c-e

as if it means a b-o-u-n-c-ein the lives of the people!

The bodge.

The pledge!

Hahaha

They seem so alike.

Basically,

I am bored with the whole drama of pledging

When we really seem allergic to playing it right!

At this point,

I can but just say,

So help me God!


Awemoreborelanlay

©27022009

The naija pledge as a pikin take see am!©







Dem say make I throwey salute to my country,Naija.

But I begin wonda how I go be faithful,loyal&honest?
As the power to serve naija with all my strength don fail me.

I no see road ,

I no see clothe,

I no see food

I no even see light.

My papa no get money send me go school

He say dem never pay am grati...

whether na community money.

I no know sef .

I just know say 'ity' dey am yet no immunity against this kain suffer suffer

Even my school sef na ground we dey siddon
Abeg make una tell me,
where the power to uphold her honour and glory dey?

I no see am o
because as I never chop beleful arrange well for body.

The thing hard me o

But sha,no shakement.
E go better.
MAke God helep me.
Amen.






Awemoreborelanlay!
©27022009.

iT JUST CAME NOW!

WHEN YOU DISCRIMATE AGAINST
YOU INCRIMINATE YOURSELF
AND COMPLICATE THE ISSUES!

14:43PM
27022009.

The Monogamy Challenge! From the giving it to you straight series! lol!




Giving it to you straight!


"I think I suffer from terminal dick brain," confessed a friend recently, after engaging in casual sex he later regretted. He is not alone; humans are built for promiscuity. The advent of DNA testing has all but extinguished the myth of the sexually monogamous mammal (or bird). For millions of years evolutionary biology has molded us to engage in "extra-pair couplings," as science terms them. So valuable are the rewards of wantonness (from evolution’s perspective) that biologists now describe monogamy as a major risk factor for extinction1 (For an excellent discussion of just how un-monogamous we are, see Deflating The Myth of Monogamy by David P. Barash. Also see a more recent article, The Shelf Life of Bliss.Our innate lack of sexual restraint poses a nasty impediment to lasting harmony in long-term relationships. Clearly, advancing life-long companionship is not in Mother Nature’s job description; her task is the propagation of genes.As Burnham and Phelan point out in their book Mean Genes: From Sex to Money to Food, Taming Our Primal Instincts, we receive an enticing brain chemistry "buzz" for various behaviors that furthered our forbearers’ chances of passing on their genes - but which do not serve us as individuals. Mean Genes coverFor example, our hunter-gatherer ancestors were best served by grabbing whatever came by without dwelling on the risks. Today, this short-term thinking too often translates into "buy now, pay later." Reaching for high-calorie foods once meant survival; these days too many extra fries can shorten lives. High-risk ventures sometimes paid big dividends; gambling seldom does. And, of course, having impulsive sex with a new mate once sustained scanty populations; now it fosters unwanted pregnancies, overpopulation, and the spread of disease.Worse yet, that enticing buzz does not truly benefit us. Instead it sets off an addictive cycle consisting of "brief thrill followed by uncomfortable period of increased discontent." If the inevitable letdown in turn primes us for new amorous adventures, Mother Nature is especially pleased.The intense sensation we experience when pursuing and having sex with a new lover is in part composed of dopamine. The dopamine lure is so powerful that rats will cross an electrically-charged metal plate to get the equivalent of a dopamine buzz, although they will not cross it to get food…even if they are starving. This penchant for sexual enticement lurks in all mammalian brains. No wonder lovers committed adultery even when the punishment was to burn at the stake. By means of this effective, well-hidden mechanism deep in the brain, Mother Nature persuades us that any sacrifice (including death) is worth the chance of gene propagation.Perhaps you are beginning to see just how big a challenge we face when we vow to remain monogamous. Given our two-timing blueprint, is it worth it to wrestle against this powerful programming? And if it is worth it, what’s the best way to go about it?Why Fight It?Buchard's Harem paintingWhy strive for monogamy at all? Certainly polyandry, polygyny, or polyamory appear to offer the paths of least resistance. However, just like our longing for extra fries, the urge to abandon monogamy is a product of our innate short-term thinking. It serves our genes, not us. Let’s look at how Mother Nature’s plan to keep us bed-hopping hurts us as individuals.The dopamine "reward" mechanism, triggered when we mate with a new partner (or satiate ourselves sexually), sets off a neurochemical cycle that touches every aspect of our lives. After the intense high, our neurochemistry shifts into a low-dopamine, or hangover, mode. Some of us predictably react by reaching for substances or activities that send our dopamine soaring again: alcohol, Internet porn, high-calorie foods, reckless spending. We are soon on a treadmill of dissatisfaction, punctuated with brief highs - wondering how the joie de vivre went out of our lives. The fast-food industry makes billions (and lots of obese people) marketing food with lots of fat and sugar to our vulnerable reward circuitry.Eventually the periods of discontent outweigh the benefits of the brief thrills. We make unsound decisions in pursuit of our self-inflamed desires. In the long run we would be better off with the innate happiness that comes with equilibrium. (Think of children who haven’t yet fallen into this cycle; simple pleasures truly delight them.)When our neurochemistry is in hangover mode, we tend to project our feelings of disillusionment onto those around us. The unfortunate result? Our partner just doesn’t look as appealing. Often we react by pulling away from (or driving away) our lover. In this way we erode our intimate relationships. Scientists suggest that, for most couples, this seemingly irreversible emotional distance creeps in within a year of two of marriage (ending the "honeymoon period"). As a result, mates often split up - or add a lover (or addiction) on the side.In the process, they lose the benefits that come from genuine intimacy. Repeated studies associate close, trusted companionship with increased longevity (HIV patients with a partner, for example, live longer and develop AIDS less rapidly), faster healing (wounded hamsters paired with another hamster recovered twice as fast), and lower rates of illness, depression and alcoholism. (See, for example, a new report, "Marital Status and Health: United States, 1999-2002".)Regardless of Mother Nature’s priorities, genuine intimacy is better for us as individuals than genetic success (especially on an overcrowded planet). As Dean Ornish wrote in Love & Survival, "if love and intimacy came in pill form, doctors who failed to prescribe it would be guilty of malpractice." He says trusted companionship is a more powerful determinant of health than more exercise, better diet, genetic make-up, stopping smoking, or prescription drugs.The bottom line? Yielding to our promiscuity programming offers not the bountiful bliss it promises, but quite the opposite: roller coaster ride after roller coaster ride of an addictive search for more dopamine highs to counter the inevitable hangovers…and fragile, often shallow, relationships.


Finding True Satisfaction


To be sure, stagnant monogamy is itself a recipe for misery and hypocrisy. Although humans may be somewhat better off statistically if they remain married - living an uneasy stalemate, perhaps punctuated with open hostility, is hardly a recipe for wellbeing. For many it is unbearable.We recommend a solution that goes right to the heart of the problem by neutralizing the mechanism that actually splits couples apart. Making love differently allows lovers to master the reward center in the brain. In this way they elude the cycle that so often propels them into "extra-pair couplings" or bleak stagnation.To be sure, passing up an attachment to regular blasts of dopamine in the form of intense orgasmic experiences initially appeals to those on Mother Nature’s plan even less than passing up chocolate appeals to a chocoholic. However, this other way of making love is far more satisfying than one would imagine. This is because, when it is done carefully, one’s brain chemistry actually shifts away from the ultimately unfulfilling hunger/satiation cycle. Operating on a different, oxytocin-rich, brain chemistry, lovers rediscover a childlike zest for simple pleasures even as their mutual attraction intensifies.The keys to this other way of making love are lots of caring affection and an approach to lovemaking that lets us "tiptoe" around Mother Nature’s secret weapon - the dopamine trigger in the primitive part of the brain. The ancient Taoists, the Gnostic Christians, and others throughout the ages all practiced this gentler, but more satisfying, way of making love. Deeper union, rather than fertilization-driven sex, is the goal. Lovers thereby elude the typical cycle of infatuation-followed-by-discontent.Partners report complete satisfaction using this technique, after a gradual adjustment period. They also report contented monogamy. Oxytocin heals cravings (including sexual hankerings) while increasing sexual receptivity in males and females. This combination makes authentic monogamy surprisingly effortless once the transition period has passed; one's partner looks better and better. At the same time, oxytocin counteracts stress, heals depression, improves immunity to disease, calms, and connects us deeply with others. It is associated with all the gains that trusted companionship yields. Some couples also report that relationships with their children also improve.Puppeteers or Biology's Puppets?Warm-hearted monogamy serves us better as individuals. Multiple partners serve us better as gene machines. Unlike animals, we humans have a choice. Before you make your choice, consider the following bit of biological trivia: at mating, the female praying mantis chomps the head off of the male. In the process, he delivers his packet of sperm to the next generation. Mother Nature smiles benevolently on this "successful" behavior. Yet it makes for very short relationships, and promptly extinguishes all other ambitions of the hapless male.Perhaps it’s time to outsmart Mother Nature, learn to sustain harmonious monogamy, and free additional energy for creative pursuits on other levels. Both ancient wisdom and modern neuroscience suggest that with clear vision, a conscious approach, and a bit of practice, this goal is within our grip.N:B: Need I say more? You know at a point, methinks the scientist got confused themselves!




Truth be told you,EVEN SCIENCE ACKNOWLEDGES THE POWER OF THE SPIRITUAL! GOD IS! Do you sincerly think I should stop reading up this kinda? My head wan ... lol!




Courtesy:www.reuniting.info/science

Waging War Against The Porn Industry!
















Yet another...



Although our website is devoted to the wisdom and neuroscience supporting sacred sex traditions, we sometimes have men join our forum who are sincerely, and sometimes desperately, seeking to stop using porn. We dedicate this article to them and their recovery.










MYTH ONE: “Obsession with porn is due to a character defect.”Pornography is a greater challenge for men then women, because evolutionary forces have different objectives for males than for females. A male’s job (from biology’s perspective) is to impregnate as many fertile females as possible. This evolutionary function has been widely observed in animals, but the underlying neurochemical mechanism has not been studied much.However, in 2002 Canadian researchers did compare brain images of male and female subjects while they viewed erotic film excerpts. The males reported significantly higher levels of physical arousal. While both genders showed activation of similar corresponding brain regions, only the men showed significant activation of the hypothalamus.[This research suggests] that the greater sexual arousal generally experienced by men when viewing erotica may be related to the functional gender difference found here with respect to the hypothalamus.The hypothalamus is part of the reward circuitry of the brain, but its function is much broader. It does everything but wash the windows. Its overall function is to integrate the body and the mind. It is the command center for the endocrine system and the autonomic nervous system. It is the seat of desires, emotions. It’s a player in every thought, emotion, desire and impulse. It controls all of the sex hormones.In short, men are especially vulnerable to porn images because these images have the power to hijack a male brain’s command center in a way they generally cannot a female’s. The hypothalamus is also the center that determines hunger and satiation – in both sexes. Would you regard it as a character defect if someone’s stomach growled because he smelled food on a grill?More proof of this innate evolved mechanism in the male brain comes from our monkey cousins. Male monkeys will “pay” to view female monkey bottoms.Now that it’s clearer how men are wired, consider the implications of today’s flood of porn images. The human brain has never had to contend with such an assault, which is strategically calculated to National Geographic coverstimulate this vulnerable part of the male brain. A few short decades ago young men usually got their first glimpses of bare breasts in National Geographic. Then came “Playboy,” “Hustler,” X-rated films, hard-core porn, and now the Internet. In effect, today’s porn viewers are guinea pigs in a mass experiment. It is quite possible that male brains are not well suited to handle this overload of erotica without losing their equilibrium.In short, the potential for porn addiction goes well beyond the issue of character. It is innate and affects males more than females. This may explain why even the best character often proves to be inadequate protection when one’s computer is flooded with pornographic images. This doesn’t mean that character has no place in avoiding porn addiction. The ability to avoid porn stimulation to the extent possible requires some willpower, and it is effort well spent, as Myth Two will make clear. However, once addicted, character alone may not turn the situation around. Time, the constant support of recovered addicts, and a clear understanding of the biological factors at work seem to help.



MYTH TWO: “There’s no scientific evidence that porn is addictive.”The tobacco companies long used the "no scientific evidence" argument to defend against the overwhelming circumstantial evidence that cigarettes were lethal. However, the “no scientific evidence” argument is not a sound argument where there has not been much in-depth study.The potential addictiveness of porn has not yet been studied in depth (in part because sex research is out of favor here in the States), but there is much circumstantial evidence that points to porn’s addictiveness, and much science that indirectly explains why it would be. The fact that not everyone who uses porn uses it to a point where it interferes with his life doesn’t prove it cannot cause addiction. Not everyone who uses alcohol becomes an alcoholic, yet alcohol is unquestionably potentially addictive. The point is that wherever one steps onto the “porn slope,” it is a slope, and it has the potential to lure one into a mighty addiction. (Accounts of withdrawal symptoms.)To see why, let’s first consider what addiction is. There’s a tendency in literature about addiction to divide addiction into ‘substance addiction,’ such as a cocaine habit, and ‘behavioral addiction,’ such as gambling. Yet science doesn’t completely understand the physical mechanisms of addiction, and this distinction is illusory. Gambling can clearly become an addiction, and it doesn't involve ingesting a substance. So can porn, and for the same neurochemical reason.Any addiction is a learned behavior that activates the reward circuitry of the brain (much of which is located in the limbic system). There certain behaviors and substances stimulate the production of dopamine, the craving neurochemical.Brain changes in addicts.However, addiction is not just about the highs. Over time, an addiction creates a chronic lowering of dopamine levels (or, possibly, decreased receptor sensitivity to dopamine). This sense that "something is missing" is the basis of addictive cravings. At the same time, the addict experiences a much higher than average response to triggers related to his particular learned behavior (such as an alcoholic walking into a bar). In other words, his overall state seems to be flattened (due to abnormally low dopamine, perhaps brought on by over-stimulation), while his reaction to triggers related to his addiction is more pronounced. This may be because such triggers signal an opportunity for relief from the misery of low dopamine.In short, the brain doesn’t have individual brain circuits for cocaine use, alcohol consumption, gambling, porn use, and so on. Rather there is reward circuitry in the brain, which can become activated, depending upon a person’s learned behaviors. Anything that activates this circuitry intensely is potentially addictive.Unlike porn addiction, gambling (another behavioral addiction) has been studied in some depth, using brain imaging. Both gambling and cocaine use activate the same portions of the brain, even though one is a behavioral and one a substance addiction. An interesting aspect of that research is that heavy cocaine users prove to be less sensitive than the average person to visual cues for ordinary sexual stimulation.Is it possible that porn addicts (who are often confronted with highly-stimulating violent or shocking images) also grow less responsive to ordinary sexual stimulation? At least one porn user thinks so:I think there is a correlation between porn viewing and erectile dysfunction. I am sure that if a study were actually done with honest men, we would see significant results. This is the type of issue people don't talk about. However, I think the porn industry is causing a huge problem in relationships and society in general. The porn industry takes advantage of the uninformed public by charging for the porn. Then the pharmaceutical companies sell us drugs to treat the side effects. Interestingly, the Chinese Taoists noticed long ago that orgasm is potentially addictive. They believed it depleted one's physical reserves while having the opposite effect on sexual desire.After an immediate postcoital letdown, there is a rapid psychological rebound and an intensification of erotic interest [and wet dreams].This insight also suggests a cure for sexual addiction: "When the ching is full, one is free of lustful thoughts." In other words, when one avoids setting off feelings of depletion (low dopamine), one's sexual frustration declines making porn more addictiveIt should be apparent that just as gambling is related to the evolutionary reward for “successful hunting and gathering,” porn addiction is related to the reward for “successfully engaging in fertilization behavior.” (Both the search for food/wealth and the desire for sex are driven by the reward circuitry of the brain) .Of the two activities, the second is likely more important from an evolutionary perspective. Unlike ‘gathering,’ which may serve to attract potential mates (and aids survival), sexual stimulation has the direct potential for passing on one’s genes (an organism's reason for being, from an evolutionary perspective). In short, it is likely that from a brain-design perspective, porn is potentially an even more addictive activity than gambling.Dutch scientist Holstege used brain imaging to view the effects of ejaculation on the brain and discovered that the brain images were reminiscent of brain scans of those shooting heroin. His conclusion? We’re all sex addicts. It is only when we can successfully harness the more analytical part of the brain that we can control our sexual desire.Alas, porn producers see it as their job to insure that a porn user does not engage the analytical part of his brain. One way they do this is to use imagery that raises testosterone levels in the viewer. Testosterone tends to make one more lustful (testosterone raises dopamine, the craving neurochemical), more irascible, and less fully in control Said one female-to-male transsexual who took testosterone in connection with a sex change.''I felt like I had to have sex once a day or I would die. ... I was into porn as a girl, but now I'm really into porn.''Porn images naturally raise testosterone, but domination themes increase it even more – perhaps because males are “rewarded” for striving for the alpha male position in a tribe, troop, or other group. Whatever the reason, the result is that domination themes in porn are as calculated as lacing cigarettes with extra nicotine; they make porn more addictive. (So are "risky" or "shocking" themes like anal sex and underage encounters. Both register as "super-stimulation" because of their shock value.)'Boredom' sign It also appears that men have greater vulnerability to highly stimulating addictions. In a 2006 study men released markedly more dopamine than women in response to amphetamine.9 This helps explain why stimulating activities such as watching sports, off-track betting and violent porn hook men so easily.It seems that evolution favored selection of the genes that encourage men to pursue things. Once upon a time those things were primarily game, status, territory and mates. Today's pursuits include ever-present “opportunities” such as video games, betting, porn-induced orgasms. Men are programmed to pursue something. If they aren’t out on the savanna, they will seek stimulation elsewhere. The traits that served our ancestors are now creating distorted outcomes, such as corporate greed (think of Rupert Murdoch) and invading Iraq.This characteristic suggests that those who wish to recover from porn addiction need to keep themselves very busy and/or engage in a practice that promotes inner equilibrium, such as meditation, tai chi, sacred sexuality, and so forth.Regaining balanceP.S: That wont help you much as the power of God would and could!So what can men do? Here’s a report of a study that suggests that moderation protects the brain's vulnerable reward system.When scientists fed rats sugar in a “binge pattern,” they found that within 10 days the rats had a measurable addiction to sugar. If they didn’t get it on schedule, they demonstrated actual physical withdrawal symptoms, such as tremors, chattering teeth and anxiety. The scientists equated that those symptoms with lower-than-usual dopamine levels (brought about by higher-than-usual levels when the rats were bingeing on sugar). The scientists noted that:"Without these neurotransmitters, the animal begins to feel anxious and wants to eat sweet food again."The rats exhibited behavioral changes even when sugar was replaced with the artificial sweetener saccharin. "It appears to be the sweetness, more than the calories, that fuels sugar dependence," says Hoebel.Although researchers still don't understand how people can curb their sugar cravings, they do know that withdrawal symptoms and dips in dopamine levels aren't evident when meals are moderate and regularly scheduled. These rats showed an addiction and withdrawal response to a substance as harmless, and indeed vital to existence, as sugar. (Sugars are present even in fruits, vegetables and grains.) It is the excess, not the substance, that sets up the potential for addiction.Sex is as natural as sugar, but when we use it in a binge pattern, as many porn users do, then it has the potential for addiction. In one afternoon at the computer a man can view a cornucopia of erotica - more visual erotica than a hunter-gatherer ancestor would have seen in a lifetime. In short, a single afternoon of porn constitutes a binge from the primitive part of the brain’s perspective. Also note that the rats reacted to saccharine as if it were real sugar. Reward circuitry doesn't seem to be able to evaluate the differences between junk food sex and sex with a close, trusted companion, even though the latter has greater potential for a lasting sense of satisfaction.Finally, here’s a bit more science that points to why the cycle of high-dopamine-followed-by-low-dopamine can distort a porn user's thinking and leave him vulnerable to addiction. In 2006 scientists artificially lowered people’s dopamine levels and then tested them psychologically. Like addicts, they had difficulty resisting short-term rewards, despite long-term negative consequences. The control group, whose dopamine levels had not been lowered, had no such problems. The scientists described the affected subjects as suffering from poor emotion-based decision making, characterized by shortsightedness, and thus difficulties resisting short-term reward, despite long-term negative consequences.Again, intense over-stimulation of the reward center can lead to a drop off of dopamine, leaving one susceptible to the addiction cycle. Whether science formally labels the result an addiction, the underlying risk remains. The design of our brain's reward circuitry leaves us highly vulnerable to today's flood of junk food and junk visuals like porn. Both can affect us in a way that decreases our free will.Withdrawal symptomsBefore leaving the issue of whether porn is addictive, let's consider these experiences:* A hundred porn viewers genuinely tried to stop viewing porn for two weeks. Over half were honest enough to admit that they failed.* "My ex told me that he knew porn was an "addiction" for him. He used that term, and he said he wanted to stop and that because he couldn't porn had "ruined his life." He also showed me a scar from masturbating to the point of bleeding because he was unable to stop.He said porn made him want to cheat all the time, and made him constantly fantasize about "nasty" sex with strangers, and young (teen) girls. The girls on some sites he viewed were so young that they did not yet have breasts.Pornography lead him to seek out in real life the graphic sex he was viewing online, and he ended up seeking escorts because of the ads that went along with the porn. He was also soliciting underage girls advertising their "adult" services online. He would ask them to participate in the illicit activities he'd seen online. He increasingly wanted to do what he saw, and he began treating all women like they were "submissive" (a big buzz word in porn and escorts ads) objects, including me.He would become agitated, irritable and mean when he could not look at porn because I was home, and he would become so angry and abusive due to frustration that I would unwittingly give him what he wanted by leaving. He would also abandon me places and run home and get online. He routinely had unprotected sex too - not thinking of reality or consequences like abortion, and STDs.I have spoken to many guys in various forums who claim that their main problem with porn is that they cannot stop even when they want to.

"NOTE: If your partner is abusive due to porn use, and unwilling to heal his dependence, realize that you did not cause it, you cannot control it, and you cannot cure it. The first step is his, and you are not obliged to stick around until he takes that step. Often addicts can be helped best by hitting bottom as swiftly as possible. Your departure may help him awaken to what is actually going on in his life.* 'Now that he's stopped looking at pornographic websites, Josh's body is suffering from withdrawal symptoms. For the last two weeks, Josh says he's been getting headaches and feeling irritable and anxious. "You wouldn't expect this because, you think, 'It's material that you choose to look at,'" he says. "But, I mean, drugs are things that you choose to take." * "I'd like to stress that undergoing this cleansing process is not easy and as with most addictions, abruptly putting a stop to it results in some sort of withdrawal syndrome. I don’t know if anyone can relate to this but in protest to the discontinued sensual stimulation induced by porn, my body reacts by: vomiting, muscular tremors, profuse sweating, indigestion, constipation, the urge to throw rocks at passing cars, and death. Well not really death but something really close to it.

"MYTH THREE: “Those who suggest porn is harmful are anti-sex and/or religious extremists.”If a child only wanted to eat Twinkies, and the parent said, “that’s a really bad idea, Dear,” would that prove that the parent was anti-food? A parent wants the best possible man contemplating bombnourishment for a child over the long haul, and acquiring a stronger craving for Twinkies poses a risk to his wellbeing.Porn is like junk food. It can easily promote unhealthy isolation or shallow, risky relationships. It therefore interferes with relationships that have the greatest potential to nourish us. In this respect porn itself is anti-sex, even if it is pro-orgasm. Moreover, like junk food, porn can give rise to an unruly addiction.No one should be made to feel guilty for being attracted to Twinkies or porn. Both foods with high fat and sugar and sexual stimulation are predictable cravings, given the way our brains evolved over millions of years. Yet both have the potential to become unhealthy addictions because of the vulnerability of the reward circuitry of the brain. In short, both urges call for careful management, with regular, balanced nourishment, and an avoidance of substances and activities that over-stimulate the reward circuitry of the brain. Neither urge should frivolously be labeled "harmless."People who claim that those who are anti-porn are anti-sex appear to be locked into a “feast or famine” mentality where sex is concerned. In effect they are saying that others don’t like sex unless they also approve of the extreme behaviors strategically marketed to porn users. This point of view may simply be evidence of “addict-think.” An addict believes he must choose between “pain of withdrawal,” which a porn addict understandably projects outward and sees as unwarranted sexual repression, or “the relief of indulgence,” which he equates with unrestrained expression of his addiction. Those locked in the cycle have forgotten what equilibrium feels like, and with the help of the media's widespread tacit approval of porn use, their numbers grow daily.The porn industry is similar to the tobacco industry - driven by the addictions of its users. This demand, which both industries do everything in their power to increase, makes it hard to curb porn production. However, there is much that can be done to educate potential users and existing users about the true risks of using porn, what the symptoms of a porn addiction look like, and how to seek recovery if hooked.Perhaps those who are anti-porn, rather than being anti-sex, are justifiably concerned about the welfare of their fellow man. Delving into porn is not unlike hopping into a car without brakes. Yet, the porn user will not perceive his danger, because the primitive part of his brain will sound out a loud, unconditional “Go for it!” every time.Because such gut feelings arise at a subconscious level and humans are used to relying on them to make countless daily decisions, the porn user will be sure his urges reflect his will. Sadly, he may one day find that his will is no longer under his command, and that he is using porn to self-medicate - that is, to ease the misery of the withdrawal phase of the addiction cycle. At that point, he is hooked.Humanity could also benefit from a greater understanding of sacred sex practices. They offer a way to discover a sense of wellbeing by achieving inner balance. Sex can be managed by making love frequently, but with the emphasis on giving and relaxation, while avoiding pursuit of orgasm. Gradually, this practice allows lovers to slip out of the addictive cycle of high and low dopamine that is inherent sexual gratification.Porn users may seem an unlikely group to apply these principles. Yet, those who realize that they are addicted are often more motivated than the average person to try something radically different. It may be .
N.B: Again,I say to you, bring the 'futility' in trying to stay sane to God and He will be glad to help you?! Only God can help you. Get Him to! And stay true.

Ebe bha ji orhia re len egbe,ohle orhia da te!©


In English that means, ''DISGRACE IS SURE TO COME FROM THAT OVER WHICH ONE CANNOT EXERCISE SELF-CONTROL''!


You may not be wrong if you call this part two of the previous one.I got interested in this too when I went checking on the Oxytocin...Enjoy it!


When David Duchovny entered rehab for sex addiction, he drew attention to a condition with devastating effectsDuring his second marriage, a man we’ll call Walter Logan had three or four affairs a year, every year, throughout the entire decade he and his wife were together.

When the Vancouver lawyer wasn’t screwing around or indulging in pornography, he masturbated several times a day : at the office, on his lunch hour, or in the washrooms of his friends’ homes when he was out for dinner.Looking back now, the 43-year-old says it didn’t even occur to him that he could be addicted to sex. He wasn’t hiring prostitutes or stopping in at massage parlours—behaviours that, in his mind, signalled a problem.

Seeking out women to fuck behind his wife’s back, on the other hand, was more the pursuit of a “sensual vacation”.Every time he slept with someone, though, Logan would end up consumed by shame. He says he hated himself but he couldn’t stop himself.Georgia Straight editor Charlie Smith discusses why the Straight ran a cover story on sex addiction.

“I’d usually sleep with a person once, then would be so disgusted with myself that I would immediately cease all contact,” Logan, who doesn’t want his real name used, for obvious reasons, says on his cellphone.

“I’d drop them and vow never to do it again and would go back to my wife and try to be a better husband.”But the cycle continued: over and over, he’d scour the classifieds in the Georgia Straight or pay for telepersonals to find a new, willing lover.Finally, after his wife found a link on his computer to a site aimed at married men wanting affairs, Logan’s double life started crumbling. She left; only when they were talking on the phone a few days later did he confess everything. Not only had he cheated on her, but he was also unfaithful in his first marriage. His second wife said to him:

“It sounds like you have an addiction.” With those words, everything clicked.“The moment she said that, the light went off in my head,” Logan says.Logan’s sex addiction nearly ruined him. Although he and his second wife tried counselling, their marriage ended earlier this year. His relationships with many friends and family members ceased or suffered. He is financially ruined. At his lowest point, he was suicidal.“I was standing on top of a cliff, wondering if I should jump,” Logan says. “And I almost did. I had hurt my family so much, and I didn’t understand why. I hurt my parents; I hurt my siblings…I felt as if I’d lost everything.”Two days later, Logan went to his first Greater Vancouver Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting. “Out of that despair I walked into that room and found hope,” he says of the 12-step program. “Unconditional love and support is what you get in those rooms.”Logan now describes himself as in his third year of recovery from sex addiction. He stresses that he’s not speaking on behalf of Sex Addicts Anonymous but, rather, wants to tell his story so that people in similar situations know that they can get help.


Sex addiction has been in the media spotlight lately, thanks largely to David Duchovny, the actor who happens to play a sex-obsessed writer on TV’s Californication and who went into rehab for the condition in August. In the movie Choke, based on the novel by Chuck Palahniuk, Sam Rockwell plays a medical-school dropout who goes to sex-addict recovery groups, looking to hook up. New York author Susan Cheever has just released Desire: Where Sex Meets Addiction (Simon & Schuster), a book about her own relentless need for love and sex. And the theme of sexual addiction shows up in Quebec filmmaker Lyne Charlebois’s Borderline.Sex addiction is also the object of plenty of mockery. Even Logan says he used to joke that if you had to have an addiction, sex would be the best. “It’s the worst,” he says now. “It eats away at your soul. You live with shame. You live a double life. I could not stop it. I knew that one day I would get found out. It’s a soul-killing disease.”


Hattiesburg, Mississippi–based counsellor-psychologist Patrick Carnes introduced sex addiction to the public when he wrote Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction in 1985. In 1992, he released Don’t Call It Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction, a book that features results from a study he conducted of 1,000 addicts and their families.According to Carnes, three to six percent of the U.S. population is addicted to sex. He’s not talking about those who merely have a strong sex drive. “It is a compulsive behavior that completely dominates the addict’s life,” Carnes explains on his Web site. “Sexual addicts make sex a priority more important than family, friends, and work. Sex becomes the organizing principle of addicts’ lives. They are willing to sacrifice what they cherish most in order to preserve and continue their unhealthy behavior.”Sex addiction isn’t marked by a single type of behaviour, but can include compulsive masturbation, compulsive use of pornography and prostitution, compulsive heterosexual and homosexual relationships, exhibitionism, voyeurism, indecent phone calls, child molestation, violence, rape, and incest.“Even the healthiest forms of human sexual expression can turn into self-defeating behaviors,” Carnes says.


In Don’t Call It Love, Carnes reveals the results of questionnaires filled out by 752 male and 180 female sex addicts, most of whom had been admitted for treatment to a Minnesota hospital. The others had spent at least three years participating in a 12-step program for sexual addiction. Of the people included in Carnes’s research, 63 percent were heterosexual, 18 percent were homosexual, 11 percent were bisexual, and eight percent were unsure of their sexual preference.Ninety-seven percent of addicts reported that their sexual activity resulted in the loss of self-esteem, while 96 percent reported feeling guilt or shame, 91 percent said they had feelings of hopelessness, and 90 percent said they were acting in ways that collided with their values.


Carnes found that 42 percent of sex addicts were also dependent on alcohol or drugs, and 38 percent had eating disorders.Eighty-one percent of sex addicts reported a history of sexual abuse.Logan has the same story. When he was 10, he and a friend were both molested by a stranger while they were playing in the woods. (“He used the whole ‘I’m looking for my puppy’ kind of stuff,” Logan says of the man.) After he was sexually assaulted, things changed. His grades dropped and he started getting into trouble. Then he started to masturbate.“Before I even reached puberty, I was very compulsive, to the point where I would masturbate until I injured myself—four, five, six times a night.…I started using masturbation at a very early age to try and escape my feelings.…With addiction, you’re trying to run away from yourself, your fears, anxieties, sadness: whatever emotions you don’t want to feel.”By the time he reached his 30s and was arranging to meet women in hotel rooms, affairs gave Logan an emotional, if temporary, high.“I felt so unworthy as a person…that I needed the person to want me,” he explains.Caveh Zahedi also used sex as a means to dull negative feelings. In 2005, the San Francisco–based filmmaker released I Am a Sex Addict, a movie for which he still gets both fan mail and hate mail. The twice-divorced 48-year-old, who’s now remarried and has a new baby, went to his first Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting in 1991 after years of paying prostitutes for oral sex.“When I heard other people speak [at the meetings], I recognized my own pattern,” Zahedi says in a phone interview. “The more they did it, the more they felt compelled to do it. I wanted to stop but never could. It was a lonely, isolating thing for me…I realized that for me it almost always happened when I was upset about something, when I was sad or angry.…Sex addicts sexualize their anger. It’s how you deal with your pain.”Zahedi, who went to SAA meetings for several years but now relies on yoga and meditation to counter troubling emotions, says making the film was part of his healing process.“People think sex addicts are people in raincoats, really sleazy, when they’re just normal people, people you see every day. I wanted to fight the stereotype.”Sex addiction crosses all socioeconomic, educational, racial, and sexual-orientation lines, but one thing that is common among addicts is a sense of shame, says Doris Vincent, a certified sex-addiction therapist and registered psychologist who, in addition to treating people at her Recovery Path office in Edmonton, counsels people throughout Alberta, B.C., and the Northwest Territories by phone.“They feel very, very sad about their behaviour,” Vincent tells the Straight. “They want to stop. They don’t want to continue. They love their families and don’t want to lose them. But they cannot stop the behaviour despite repeated attempts, and it’s a constant disruption in their life.”Sex addiction can also be seen as a chemical addiction, according to Carnes, because dopamine, the brain’s pleasure-creating neurochemical, is released during orgasm. Dutch neuroscientist Gert Holstege revealed in a 2003 Journal of Neuroscience study that brain scans taken during orgasm resemble those taken during a heroin rush. Marnia Robinson, a former lawyer turned “sacred sex” researcher, explains the neurochemical phenomenon of addiction on her Web site, Reuniting.“Passionate encounters leading to sexual satiation over-stimulate the pleasure/reward center in the primitive brain, triggering temporary ‘hangovers’,” Robinson writes.“Let’s look at what goes on in the brain during sex and orgasm. Although you think everything happens between your legs, the sensation of orgasm actually originates between your ears, in the form of chemical messengers and the receptors they bind to. These neurochemical changes take place in the limbic system, or ‘mammalian brain’. The mammalian brain…is the seat of emotions, desires, drives and impulses.“However, addiction is not just about the highs. Over time, an addiction creates a chronic lowering of dopamine levels.…This sense that ‘something is missing’ is the basis of addictive cravings. At the same time, the addict experiences a much higher than average response to triggers related to his particular learned behavior.…In other words, his overall state seems to be flattened…while his reaction to triggers related to his addiction is more pronounced. This may be because such triggers signal an opportunity for relief from the misery of low dopamine.”Robinson stresses that Reuniting isn’t aimed at addicts, but she says she was surprised to discover that many were visiting the site.“I thought, ‘Come on, guys, this site is about sacred sex. We don’t want to talk about porn,’ ” Robinson says on the line from Ashland, Oregon. “But I could see that these really wonderful men were asking, ‘How did this happen? I’m not a pervert. I don’t understand why I can’t turn it off.’ ”Some believe sex addiction is linked to low dopamine levels in the brain’s limbic system, which is the seat of emotions. Photo by Vasiliy Yakobchuk.Vincent also believes the brain—and not weak moral character—plays a role in sex addiction.“If it is an addiction, there’s no choice,” Vincent explains. “The limbic system is driving it.…The brain focuses on the things the neurochemical system needs. The primitive part of our brain takes over.”According to Vancouver doctor Gabor Maté, the distinguishing features of addiction are compulsion, preoccupation, impaired control, persistence, relapse, and craving. In his latest book, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters With Addiction, Maté explains that the roots of sex addiction can be traced to childhood, and whether someone was sexually abused or lacked love and nurturing.“In a person with addictive behaviors, the orbitofrontal cortex and its associated neurological systems have been tricked from childhood onward into valuing false wants above real needs.…Hence, the desperation of the behavioural addict, the urgency to have that want answered immediately, as if it really were an essential requirement,” Maté writes.“The so-called nymphomaniac, the female sex addict, is not addicted to sex at all, but to the dopamine and endorphin rewards that flow from the feeling of being desired and desirable.”Sex addiction falls into a grey area when it comes to diagnosis. It doesn’t show up in the current edition of the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the most trusted guide to psychiatric disorders, but it is being considered by a work group on non-substance-related addictions for inclusion in the next edition, which comes out in 2012. Sex addiction isn’t defined on the Canadian Society of Addiction Medicine’s Web site, nor was a representative from the society willing to be interviewed. However, the society did invite Vincent to speak on the role of sexual-abuse-survivors’ groups in the treatment of sex addiction at its most recent conference, which took place in Vancouver on October 31 and November 1.A study in the August 2004 issue of the Philadelphia-based Journal of Sex Research questioned the validity of sex addiction. Authored by John Bancroft—then director of the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction—and researcher Zoran Vukadinovic, the report described “compulsive sexual behaviour” and “sexual addiction” as “currently fashionable concepts”.“At this time, both concepts are of uncertain scientific value,” Bancroft and Vukadinovic wrote, noting that nymphomania (excessive sexual desire in women) and satyriasis (the same in men) used to be popular labels.In their study—titled “Sexual Addiction, Sexual Compulsivity, Sexual Impulsivity, or What? Toward a Theoretical Model”—Bancroft and Vukadinovic interviewed 31 self-described sex addicts (29 men and two women).“Subjects were asked whether they found themselves trying to resist the urge to act out or whether at the time it was something they genuinely wanted to do,” they wrote. “Eleven men and one of the women indicated that they tried to resist, but most of them did not give a convincing description of resistance.”However, the authors did find a relationship between negative mood and sexual interest.“All but 4 of the 29 men and both women reported an increased likelihood of acting out in states of either depression or anxiety or both,” they noted.Plus, forty-five percent of the addicts reported a state of mind while carrying out sexual acts that Bancroft and Vukadinovic say could be regarded as a form of dissociation from reality. Addicts noted these sensations: “not conscious of reality”, “zoning out”, and “numb”, and sex feeling “like euphoria—like cocaine”.Despite the Kinsey research, many health professionals maintain that sex addiction is as real as it is devastating.Paulette Tomasson, a West Vancouver–based nurse, clinical counsellor, and certified sex-addiction therapist, says that the condition is rife with misinformation.“When people hear ‘sex addict’, they think ‘pedophile’,” Tomasson tells the Straight. “That’s a completely different thing.“I just had two new clients yesterday,” she continues. “Both were men. Both had been to many other therapists. The older client was in tears because he’s been trying to work on this for about 15 years now, and everyone wants to normalize it. They say, ‘It’s just what men do. All men go to prostitutes.’ Excuse me? That is not true. ”Tomasson, who gives educational seminars for counsellors interested in becoming certified sex-addiction therapists, says a half-dozen people might show up.“It’s really quite sad,” she says of the dearth of services available. “Therapists will say, ‘Oh, I don’t have any of that in my practice.’ Well, if you’ve seen 100 people, you have at least three to five who have sex addiction.”She also stresses that with the proliferation of porn on the Internet, the prevalence of sex addiction will only increase.Tomasson, who treats men and women, says that looking at suggestive images on-line changes the wiring in people’s brains. People’s eyes are not used to looking at light directly for long periods of time. By staring at a steady stream of light, people become “like deer in headlights” and go into a state of “startle”.“When you’re on the Internet and in startle, then up comes an image and it makes you aroused, those images get burned into your brain,” Tomasson explains. “There might be a pop-up of something like an adolescent who’s compromised. I’ve had people say, ‘I’ve never been attracted to adolescents in my life. But after being on the Internet, I can’t get it out of my mind.’“So the Internet shifts the arousal template, and it becomes very difficult to then find the same arousal with a real human being. All of a sudden, people become aroused by something illegal or immoral.…The Internet is known as the crack cocaine of sex addiction.“I used to think Craigslist was for used furniture,” she adds. “Now I know it’s the most popular place for people to pick up prostitutes. When I walk down the streets, I see a whole different city now.”Like Tomasson, Vincent sees the Internet as the greatest catalyst for sex addiction. “Besides the anonymity, accessibility, and affordability, one of the dangers of the Internet is that we see images our brain is not prepared to handle.…They stay in your brain. I have clients come to me trying to get rid of them.”Although the Internet is a potential menace to people who can’t control their desire, it’s also a place where addicts as well as their spouses and family members can find support. Web sites like No-Porn.com and RecoveryNation.com have helped people understand the affliction.Recovery is possible. Tomasson, who heads Addiction Counselling and Resources Limited, recommends one-on-one therapy in conjunction with 12-step programs. (Information about Greater Vancouver Sex Addicts Anonymous is at www.saavancouver.org/.) There are some places in Canada that take in-patients, including Toronto’s Bellwood Health Services.Sometimes Tomasson will request a client abstain from sex and masturbation for three months.“They look at me like they’re going to die,” Tomasson says. “They go through a physical withdrawal process, just like with caffeine. But they find what their natural rhythm is with sexuality.…Most have been compulsive and have used sex as a reward to self-medicate, to fend off emotions that they don’t like or that make them uncomfortable.”Clearly, unlike with alcohol addiction, abstinence isn’t realistic when it comes to sex. Vincent agrees that the first step to recovery is “sobriety”, and that it takes a minimum of 30 days to come out of an addictive state. She says that one of the goals is for addicts to abstain entirely from sex in the short term, then from compulsive behaviours over the long term. From there, people can move into healing and look at underlying personal issues, including trauma they may have experienced as a child or adult. Addicts must also learn what it means to have a healthy sex life—including aspects like boundaries, trust, intimacy, openness, honesty, and communication.Prevention is possible too, starting early in life.“Children need good information about sex in an age-appropriate way,” Tomasson says. “Children are exposed to porn on the Net today by the age of seven. They are sexualized earlier and earlier in our society by…fashion and are exposed to sexualized images on TV, music videos, and all forms of media. So, basically, it is about helping children process their feelings, have safe coping methods for stress, and, of course, loads of love and support.”Logan still goes to Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings regularly and sees a counsellor. He says he’s hit rock bottom and is starting his life from scratch.“But I don’t think I’ve ever been happier,” Logan says. “Life now is a lot more precious. I’m learning how to be a much better person, to live a life of honesty, to be accountable to my friends and family.”He’s not in a relationship and is hesitant about dating. “I have to be prepared to tell them my story, and it’s not an easy thing to hear.”Oxytocin again...Researchers are always seeking answers to fundamental questions about illness: "What is the cause of cancer?" "How does stress damage your cells and organs?" "What causes plaque to build up inside your arteries?"The flip side of such questions is "what is the mechanism by which love and affection positively affect health?" The answer to this question is oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone and neurotransmitter. Once believed to confine its effects to inducing labor and milk ejection, oxytocin actually has far-reaching effects on both sexes. You could not fall in love without it. These days it goes by nicknames such as "the bonding hormone," "the cuddle hormone," and even "the love hormone."The primary conscious behavior or thought process that increases oxytocin is caring for another. Appreciation, generous touch, gratitude, and emotional connections with others also raise oxytocin levels. In addition, oxytocin appears to be behind many of the health benefits from meditation, massage and acupuncture. We see one of oxytocin's most powerful effects at birth - when the mother and father bond with their child. At that moment, oxytocin surges causing a rewiring of both parents' brains so that they will do anything for their little screaming creature. Under ordinary circumstances they remain permanently in love.We all form similar connections with friends, lovers, cats, gurus, or even God. And the benefits to us of these deep connections are great. Oxytocin is the reason why people with pets tend to recover more quickly from illness, why married people tend to live longer, why support groups benefit those with cancer, addictions and chronic disorders, and why care-giving primate parents, whether male or female, live longer than the non-care-giving parents healthy coupleHow can oxytocin produce such tremendous health benefits? The exact mechanism is not clear, but the key seems to be oxytocin's ability to counteract the effects of stress. To state this differently, if you listed all the conditions and diseases related to stress or aggravated by stress, you'd have to list nearly every known condition. By easing stress, oxytocin helps to heal them all.Consider some of the other research on this important hormone:* Oxytocin reduces cravings. When scientists administered it to rodents who were addicted to cocaine, morphine, or heroin, the rats opted for less drugs, or showed fewer symptoms of withdrawal. (Kovacs, 1998) Oxytocin also reduces cravings for sweets. (Billings, 2006)* Oxytocin calms. A single rat injected with oxytocin has a calming effect on a cage full of anxious rats. (Agren, 2002)* Oxytocin increases sexual receptivity and counteracts impotence. (Pedersen, C.A., 2002), (Arletti, 1997)* Oxytocin counteracts the effects of cortisol, the stress hormone. (Legros, 2003) Less stress means increased immunity and faster recovery.* Oxytocin appears be a major reason that SSRIs (like Prozac®) ease depression, perhaps because high levels of cortisol are the chief culprits in depression and anxiety disorders. (Uvnas-Moberg, 1999)In addition to oxytocin's powerful effects on the body, it strongly affects your mind and behavior. It is nature's antidepressant and anti-anxiety hormone. It creates feelings of calm and a sense of connection, so it actually shapes how you view the world. The whole universe looks like a better place when you feel tranquil and loving. Oxytocin also reduces cravings, which makes it the key to healing addictions of all kinds. For example, rats addicted to heroin used less of the drug when experimenters raised oxytocin levels in their brains.Have you heard the saying, "the more you give, the more you get?" Well, it applies to oxytocin, too. The more you nurture and connect with others, the more responsive your body and brain become to it. This makes it an unusual neurotransmitter. Compare it with substances like alcohol or caffeine. The more you use them, the greater the quantity you require to obtain the same effect. Oxytocin is the opposite. The more you give and nurture, the more strongly you respond.You can't take a pill to obtain these benefits because oxytocin would swiftly breakdown in your stomach (or risk side effects, such as hemorrhage in the brain and uterus, increased blood pressure, heart rate and cardiac output, uterine contractions). Not even an injection would work because the body gets rid of it so quickly. The only artificial way to keep oxytocin up would be to receive a continuous IV, and still that would have no effect on your brain - which is where it must be released to affect social bonds. (Yes, there are oxytocin nasal sprays, but they are riskier and less specific in effect than learning to produce this neurochemical organically by choosing activities that produce it in ideal quantities and locations within your brain and body.)Yet it is within your power to release oxytocin within your brain and body - short of having a child or an orgasm. Consciously stick to behaviors that promote its production in areas of the body and brain that yield beneficial effects. couple in bedMeditate, nurture others, reach out to connect with people, and make love in a way that keeps your heart open. And avoid relationship distress.1Because of oxytocin's roles in bonding and reducing cravings, we believe it is the key to authentic monogamy and, of course, peace between the sheets. That is, if you want to stay in love, you need to sustain the production of oxytocin. This happens effortlessly…until some point after conventional sex enters the equation.Here's why. Falling in love calls forth a soup of neurochemicals, including oxytocin's bonding effects. However, as we've explained in other articles, conventional sex tends to over-stimulate the pleasure/reward center deep within the brain. screaming lioness Specifically, a neurochemical called dopamine (ideal levels of which are also necessary for attraction between mates) drops after orgasm. Therefore bonds can erode. Low dopamine can also create psychological distress.Over time, this roller coaster of highs and lows leads to subconscious defensiveness and emotional distance between partners. Once uneasiness enters your intimate relationship, the bond between the two of you tends to weaken. That is, you produce less oxytocin. So you can see how biology's agenda unravels your relationships over time despite oxytocin's bonding properties.The situation is confusing, even to scientists, because levels of oxytocin (at least in the bloodstream) rise sharply in most of us at the moment of orgasm. However, research suggests that this five-minute surge of oxytocin may have little to do with emotional bonding, and more to do with inducing the contractions associated with orgasm (to move the sperm along). Oxytocin, remember, also produces birth contractions. Even if there is a corresponding surge of oxytocin in the brain at the moment of orgasm, it is obvious that people can have sex without bonding. Some get up and leave; others roll over and snore.The best plan? Consciously encourage oxytocin production with caring behavior. In this way you protect and strengthen the bonding connections in your brain and tap the health benefits discussed above.Sadly, the normal relationship pattern is for couples to get together, think they will love each other forever, and then end up fighting and splitting up, or simmering in resentment and stagnation. This roller coaster of passion-followed-by-separation is behind the decline in oxytocin. The result? The honeymoon ends.Our experience, making love without orgasm, has been just the reverse of this typical pattern. Our relationship stays light-hearted and romantic and has grown closer with time. We believe this positive trend is the result of consciously avoiding the behaviors that create subconscious uneasiness between partners. In this way we maintain our initial levels of oxytocin. And, as we've become increasingly responsive to "the Big 'O'," that is, oxytocin, our connection grows stronger and healthier. It will work for you, too!



N.B: THe power to break off this soul-draining habit lies totally with and in God. Guys, come on over to the winning side!An addict is a loser who has lost control over his soul! Ok? He loves you just as you are and will take you through the power to STOP! But first ,you must accept Him and believe He can help you!