Am I mad yet?

Sometimes ,I wanna remove my clothes when the tropics unleash its heat venom and walk around naked!

Sometimes I wanna unhook my bra when I feel uncomfy in it.

Sometimes I wanna remove my shoes when it hurts my feet.

Sometimes I want to fart just when it comes on. I mean REALLY LOUDDDDDDDDDDDDD!Sometimes I wanna scream out loud when am in the bathroom especially when the pooh isnt coming out easy!

Sometimes I want to belch very loud when it comes on.Sometimes when am hurt I wanna cry very hard like I wont stop. Sometimes,I wanna laugh a thousand times like it was running out of fashion!Sometimes I envy children when they freely express how they feel ,want and all!Sometimes I wanna cry,whine&stay in bed and sleep some more when the alarm comes on each week day!...

Did I hear you say,'' caution!'' Be quiet! please dont tell me about control ,this is exactly how I feel! and what if I feel comfortably ensconced in this state of mind? Hun?Besides, you think I dont know what you do? Tell me you did not litter the floor with pieces of paper and even defecated in that public place?

Come here you, are you not the guy who did that last night, yeah, by the NEPA pole close to your house? Oh please, dont gimme that look! you know am talking about you,yes you! You complain,grumble ,and bla bla about the government not doing this or that, yet you havent done anything in your little way to contribute to the sanity around you!....

What if I lose the virginity of my thoughts and then still find the courage to say it just as I am doing right here? Truth is , I have lost it& I only wanna guard it!

I am not afraid to apologise or feel sober much later if I repent about this note and the reason(s) behind it but this one thing I know...

-I am beginning to feel that life indeed has the capacity to make one lose the virginity of his thoughts and subsequently,acts!

While in University,I studied a bit of philosophy.And in case I forgot all d bla bla those guys taught me,I wont forget this one. That every child born came into the world with a clean slate''tabula rasa''. Am I right? And that life and all that the child learns,sees,goes through etc makes up what will fill his 'slate.' More like 'feel' his slate for me! lol.

Hmmn... I think this is so true for me. And over the years,at least judging from the innocence of a child in wanting,asking ,giving etc shows that the environment that one grows in really has something 'huge' to do with what one the make up of that child! Talk in terms of value adding or value depreciating as the case may be!. Tell me, how do I really,I mean truly remain sane in a society like ours? Where you will have to look closely on the ground to be sure you arent gonna step on a thick yellowish stuff from some fellow's vocal cavity! arghhh...

This brings to mind a course I was privileged to attend recently.The facilitator mentioned the fact that we all have the capacity to exhibit the wisdom value or the nuisance value. He went on to say that one has to outweigh the other to form what he called,''reputation capital''.So each day,he said,we have the opportunity to display either of these two, and that, he said ,places a value on who we are,what we are,what we are worth and atually the content of our character and contribution to the success or otherwise of a given society (depending on that which we find ourselves). Now in this ''mad- man- cell'',hey ,dont tell me what value you think!...yet!!!!!

*That of course added something rather profound to my slate. It provoked me to be aware of even this state of madness! lol! .I decided then to check what I add per day and ultimately check my self each day and weigh the level of my W or N value! Afterall, the facilitator said the one that outweighes the other defines who one is!* *oouch! *

Back on point...

So I have been thinking...If I want to express my self in all those ways I mentioned above without fear! (or favour if u like)... am stuck again...

but er...

I dont get it... but I am wondering if I lose the virginity of my thoughts and act patterns; would that tag me a misfit? I ask you ,''I am suposed to hide the way I feel about my state of 'madness' per time?'' Right? And pretend all is well around me ,when it really isnt!

And should I feel goose pimples all over my body each time I use the escalator and infact still almost trip off it,I am not supposed to show my shock at that too? I mean ,what if I insist I wanna use the stairs instead of having to feature in that ever- ensuing drama?! Even if it is the 50th floor?

Should I feel out of place if I cry at the sight of a 7 -yr old hawking stuff? Would it be out of place to scream and run to bring her back or get her parents arrested? What if she happens to be someone I know?I mean one who is related? Would it make me feel less human if I cry uncontrollably at that unholy sight?

What about some Homo Sapiens having sex under the bridge? Whatever happened to the dignity of the mind and of the public persona?! Hun?

You still wonder why am mad?How can someone ,I mean just one person embezzle public funds worth over a billion naira?! And you think I am the only one who has gone stark raving mad?

When a single person wanna rule his people for as long as he lives? when he isnt the ancient of days? or is it the talk or the thought of extending a (single)4 year term in office to 6,just so that they might virtually rule for 12 years! Or the sickening fussy situation at the national level of ''same sex filth'' when there are loads of people who are hungry,homeless,restless and in fact have always been ''economically crunched''for so long before it ever became a global crisis?!

*By the way, the demon of homosexuality is neither a male or female...it is a confused entity! *And it doesnt even at this point,deserve the dignity of my detailed mention!Kphsew! *Or some uniformed fellow beating up helpless citizens around town and no one does anything about it?

Tell me, why wont all the (mad) people around there lynch that fellow? Yeah ,I already got the answer. He is armed and it is a case of, 'who will bell the cat?' Methinks,there arnt enough mad people around town yet!!!!!!!!' arrgh... I know I would be this mad for some time until sanity returns! Someday soon...

but ...

er...Would I be certified absolutely crazy if I dont even think this is some attempt at madness? And that I need see some shrink? I mean what kinda wacko fellow do you think I am right now? Well,think well before you answer that,because so long as you are reading this,methinks there must be some loose nuts in your head somewhere!

Lemme ask u yet again, do you think sane peeps would dare buy my book if I write? Maybe some adventurous ones would? Right? To find out what madness goes on in the minds of a few of us! Are there rules guiding the extent to which one may express his madness in writing?Would professionals shun this unprofessionalism? Do I have an audience? Oh sure I think I do. If you are reading this,I dare say that you are an accomplice in this madness thingy ,so I will sure sell.How many copies am I likely to sell? Simple answer. You guys buy one and buy another for your family and friends! Yipee! I have hit a gusher!

Would I go bankrupt the moment I find my sanity?

I mean business ,'mad' people in tryna sell the original contents of my thoughts,the one that has been filled thus far by such and such.

I am so disturbed people because I dont have answers to what I sincerly ask at the moment and I would wanna get answers.

Chief of which is: Am I mad yet?*Someone wanted me to write the trend of my thoughts per time! and here is what you have as at when I did this!...

Tell me sincerly...

how madder can one really get? hun?

written03032009

but posted today!

Awemoreborelanlay